Reflections

A lot has changed this past year. I’ve changed, where I am has changed (if that makes any sense). I’ve decided to do a post on reflections about the year, and what I’ve gone though.

So here we go, this was my goals for 2011, all the ones that were accomplished were italicized and bolded:

-Do MORE research for Glass Heart
-Finish Glass Heart
-Edit
-Read, over 100 books
-Pass AP exams (with flying colors)
-Give Kittens baths
-Continue to work on stepping out of my comfort zone.
-Query until my fingers bleed (after finishing
And editing obviously)
-Choose a school(for those who are wondering I have been accepted to 6 for 6, out of 14 applications so it will be tough. What was I thinking?)
-Buy(and read) EVERY book that is written by one of my buddies on the blogsphere (I’m currently knee deep in CRACKED by K.M. it is FREAKING FANTASTIC PEOPLE. Go buy yourself a copy, like now.)
-Go to THE MAGICAL WORLD OF HARRY POTTER
-Buy a Wand from Olivanders at TMWOHP.
-Figure out some of the Bestie angst I've been dealing with.
-Clean my room
-Categorize my entire book collection before departing for college
-Organize my life (hehe not happening, but I can hope)
-Help out my crit. groups as much as I can.
-Oh and most important, be at the Midnight Showing for HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2 in full HP garb. Yes I am that kind of nerd!
-Alright, I lied, this is the most important, begin posting regularly again, on this blog and my critique group blog.

So…count it up…12/19. That’s what…sixty three percent? That’s way better than last years forty two percent. At least I’m improving. This years goals are fewer, simpler and I have decided to hold myself to a higher standard, I am going to expect at least ninety percent of my goals to be reached by this time next year.

-Finish a WIP

-Edit said WIP

-Either manage my double major, or give up on it

-Get a job up at school

-Maintain a minimum 3.0 GPA

-Post at least twice a month

-Participate in as many blogfests as possible

-Stay true to myself

I’m going to change everything. Well not everything. The blog is getting redone, heck by the time you read this it may already have been revamped.

2012 is going to be a new year. 2011 was better than 2010 and I am holding 2012 to newer, higher standards. I refuse to regret anything that made me smile, I refuse to change who I am for someone else, I refuse to let people change me for the worse. I am going to succeed, why? Because it is my choice to do so. Because I am setting my mind to it.

Life is hard. Anyone who says it’s easy is kidding themselves and you. But it is not going to get me down. I got a taste of what it’s like to just live, and I refuse to be a bystander to my own existence anymore. Bring it on 2012. I made it through 2011 and I’m ready for you.

So...

A lot has happened in the last few months. I started school which has, aside from the personal drama, been pretty great.

Well at least the academic stuff.

See the thing is, I don't know, I invested in the wrong person. Emotionally I mean. Someone who is a good person somewhere in there but can't seem to find themselves anymore. Maybe. That's what they said anyways, that they were once different, I don't know if I believe it now, but I believed it then.

Anyways the thing is I got hurt. Emotionally hurt. Up until now you see I was always the pretty best friend, the extra in the movie, you know? The camera pans over her until it falls onto the real protagonist. I'd been okay being there, being safe in that bubble. Well I got to school and it looked like everything was going to be the same, but then it wasn't.

I thought for the briefest of moments that maybe ugh, maybe, I wasn't just the semi-attractive extra. Wrong. Oh so very very wrong. I'm writing this here because I don't know where the hell else to put it. I already promised my diary, whose pages are currently overflowing with me over thinking the entire situation beyond repair, that I wouldn't write about it anymore. And I wont. But I needed to put it somewhere, and I deleted my facebook, fuck it I got along seventeen years just fine without one and I just don't need that shit in my life right now.

I'm tired, really tired. I was taken advantage of and used and you know what I accepted that and was moving on. He didn't have to be as cruel as he was, didn't have to treat me the way he did. And despite all that I forgave him because I didn't know what the fuck else to do. Hold a grudge? Not me. Fucking be a bitch? Not me. I wish I could do those things, wish that I could hate him. Maybe a part of me does. No, no, a part of me does. The logical part. The one that knew from the start this was a bad idea.

The rest of me though doesn't want to hate him, hating someone is so stupid, so hard, so stressful.

I just needed to get this out here. I'm going to be okay, I've come back from worse, lived with worse I know. But just now is hard. Because this is a new hurt. I honestly want to turn back the clock three months and save myself this pain. I was put in a shit situation, one that had nothing to do with me as a person, and yet I'm the one getting the shit. Taking the shit because for some fucking reason I recognize how hurt the other party is and I'm not the kind to inflict anymore pain. At least not intentionally. And because of that I never once stood up for myself. Never once.

I don't recognize that girl. The one who is scared to speak her mind, express how hurt she is. Fuck that. That's not me. I refuse to take backseat in my own life and just be an emotional punching bag. I just refuse. I deserve better than that.

I'm going to bed now. It has been a long three months, and suddenly things are starting to look up. This is going to get easier, I know it is. Especially now.

I've slowly been finding my way back to the role of the best friend character. It's safe there. I'm safe there. Right now is just not my time for shinning.

Oh yeah, I DO have a life outside of school...

So I've been at school for almost a whole month now. And first let me say...

OH MY GOODNESS IT IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly I'm the happiest I've been in awhile. I love all my classes, am living on a beautiful campus in a beautiful city and am just happy.

However I have allowed my blog to fall by the wayside.

So let me catch up. K.M. gave me this lovely award, one which I did not properly acknowledge at the time because I let my blogging life fall by the wayside of work and school, the Liebster Blog award.The goal of the award is to spotlight bloggers with 200ish or less followers. 

And, seeing as we all know how the blog award giving process works let me tell you about it and in turn spread the love.

The Liebster Award guidelines:

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

2. Post the names/links of those you'd like to forward the award to, and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.

So here are the people I've selected to recieve the award from me:

Kat O'Keeffe
ChristaCarol Jones
Bethany Mattingly
Karen Atkins




All of these lovely ladies, have fun engaging blogs, that tackle both the hard stuff and the fun stuff. Check them out!


Also I would like to just take this moment to thank Kate, again, for being such a great supportive friend and for giving me the lovely award. It means a lot.


Now I have class in ten hours and would like to sleep a little, so I will post more later. Thank you to the readers of this blog, and my blogger friends and whoever else still bothers with me at this point. It means a lot.

Confessions

Sometimes I feel as though my life is on fast forwards.

As though someone, somewhere, has DVR'd my goings on or programmed me into the Sims and has set my entire life onto super-restless fast. And in doing so allowed every moment, every breath, to blur together in one fuzzy smudge of a brush stroke on the canvas of my life—that terrifies me.

Not a lot of people know this, except for my family and closest friends, but I've struggled with depression for a number of years. Since I was about fifteen. Depression caused by my unrelenting anxiety and fear.

God it is hard to admit that. That I'm afraid. Of everything.

My depression is something I hate. I really don't have any reason to be depressed, I've got a great family, good friends, and am blessed in ways that words could never measure. And yet I am. It is beyond frustrating. I cannot stand how my anxiety, fear, and subsequent depression have taken moments from me. Have bound me so tightly in the recesses of my own mind I fail those I care about.

I've missed events and parties because I was so anxious I became physically ill. I've retreated so far into the caverns of my own mind, and in doing so abandoned those I loved when they needed me. Most notably, for those of you on the blogsphere my periods of absence and posts that are broken trains of thought.

Other things too though, that aren't visible through the words here. I've read, and reread emails from my blogger friends, unable to type a response for fear someone will see through my words and recognize me for the coward I am. I've read and reread manuscripts that I was asked to beta, adding notes and critiques each time, but am unable to put them into the computer for fear my fellow writer will feel it is not enough, think that what I suggest is naive, has no worth because of my age or a plethora of other reasons that cause me to second guess myself. And so instead of sending out those betas, I tuck them away in my desk and read them on days where I can't find the strength or story to lift my pen and feel as though there is no hope of publication. Rereading them gives me hope, because my brave friends have the kind of gumption and bravery I do not. Friends I let down because despite my admiration for them and their kindness and understanding, I was afaid what I had to say was more insignificant than saying nothing at all. So I chose silence.

And so I apologize to those friends. To Jade, Mariah, K.M., Sara, and my InkSlingers, Bethany M., Bethany R., Ella and Aaron. I may have failed myself but that is nothing compared to how I have failed you.

I've tried to write this a thousand times. After I dropped of the face of the blogsphere last fall, and my reappearence this spring that has since been sporadic at best.

But the thing is, I'm here to stay. I will not let my fear win. I will not allow myself to become a synical old woman whose outlook on life is nothing but negative. Who goes to the same dead end job every day, despite the fact that she went to the college of her dreams, and who remains in the same abusive relationship because she is afraid to be alone. Change is scary, and she is miserable because she is afraid. I have seen her, and she is never happy, rarely smiles, and I will not become her.

I've realized no matter what, change happens. And most of the time it is scary.

I am coming to terms with that fear. I am going to fight tooth and nail to change. to change my fear into courage, my procrastination into productivity and my stagnation into action.

For as hard as it was to type all of this, it finally feels good to get it off my chest and allow myself to breathe. I cannot make up for the time my fear took from me, nor will any amends I attempt to make make up for how I have failed my friends. But I will try, because I am done with feeling terrified all the time.

This is my apology to you, whoever may still read this blog, and my friends, who I've failed. I am trying to be better, and it may take time—no it will take time everything does, who am I kidding?—but I am trying. And that has to count for something. At least I hope it does.

Projects...

So I have a knack for biting off more than I can chew, as demonstrated by my senior year of high school and series of failed betas last year, oh and I can't forget dropping the ball on my critique partners which I've done more times than I can count. (Bethany and Bethany if you are reading this I'm working on the weekly swap and your full Pimpernel btw, this is more of a reflective post). I'm not proud of any of that, it was poor management on my part and why I have devoted this summer to getting my organization on track and living a life based off of lists, it's working well when I follow them anyways.

I would like to take this moment to apologize. I suck as a person sometimes and I'm working on it. I mean we all have our shortcomings right? Right? Alright well I like to think my ball-dropping-ness isn't the worst thing in the world, but it is bad I know that and I'm working on it. That's got to mean something, wanting to change and taking the steps to change, right? So if I have ever dropped the ball for something related to writing, or disappointed you in any way I am sorry.

Projects, that is the topic of today's blog. Projects can come in all sizes, shapes, etc. It can be as small as writing a query, which really isn't small at all even though it only takes up one piece of paper, to doing edits on a trillion word MS (uh if your MS is that long there is room for concern.)

The key to projects is to pace yourself, hence the big open up a few paragraphs ago, it's a cliche but Rome wasn't built in a day--and your WiP wont be either (unless you're a super prodigy and in that case hats off to you!). I like to tuck myself into my corner, a hot cup of chamomile tea, and different forms of dark chocolate (covered raisins, covered cranberries, bars, ice cream etc.) and write. It doesn't always work that way though, I take it where I can get it. In the car on the way to work, after work at the bookstore next door, on my arm during school.


I really can't remember where I was trying to go with this, which is sad but I've been up all day and totally should have been able to finish this train of thought.

Renovations

Yeah so this new design has been in the works for awhile, it's not complete--not by a long shot. I just needed something different.

I've been finding that is the case lately, just needing change. I don't like change, not at all, but as each day brings me closer and closer to leaving home and getting out on my own I find myself yearning for it. I'm ready to get out of here. I am afraid of heading off to college, in less than a month I'll be on my way, and I am beyond terrified of the new school conditions I'm going to have to deal with. I've never been to college before, I don't know how it works! I mean high school was easy, it was just a blown up version of middle school, middle school was just elementary school with more than one teacher. College is not like any of those, at all. So on one hand I'm pumped to get out of my house, except I'm going to miss Mac and Finn and Seamus but I can survive without their late night cuddles and cold noses, and on the other I am so not ready to start learning things again or for summer to be over.

I am apologizing for the rant that is about to follow.

Also I am ready to be done with my sister, the fifteen year old, who gets to throw a hissy fit every fifteen minuets and then not speak to me and blame me for everything wrong under the sun. Once I'm gone she will get to do all the chores herself, and have to deal with our parents without me as a buffer. I cannot f**king wait.

We have a big family, but I only have one biological sister who has been doing nothing but winning the-most-obnoxious-person-on-the-face-of-the-planet award for three months. (For the count record I have three "brothers" and five "sisters", all of whom are related to me one way or another but aren't necessarily siblings, I just consider them as such, if that makes sense.) So based on that logic/my opinion she is the third youngest and has been taking a nice long ride on my last nerve for over two months now. I am sick of the excuses my parents give me "she's a teenager, you were the same way." I was not. or "it is normal behavior, just leave her/it alone." NO. I will not leave it alone, I should not have to walk around our house on eggshells because my sister has decided to rule over it with an iron fist of I-can-throw-the-biggest-hissy-fit. She isn't two, or four, or seven or even ten. She is fifteen, and her behavior is not acceptable in any way shape or form.

Rant done.

Onto renovations. I've also been living my life by a schedule, unfortunately work disrupts that more than not but planning everything out has definitely made more time for writing and me time.

So renovations, that is the topic of the post, but after I had my rant and my freak out over college I can't remember where the post was originally headed. And for that I am sorry. I will have a post more related for writing ready for later this week. Promise.

Harry. Ron. Hermione. And Fred...

So I went to the midnight release last night. There will be spoilers in this post, just so you're warned.

I cried when the Warner Bros. Insignia showed up on the screen, and then dried my tears and jumped in.

There isn't much I have to say, but I do have to say a few things.

Anyone who knows me knows I love Fred. After Sirius he was my favorite character in the Harry Potter series. I believe my favorite characters are cursed, Sirius was my first ever favorite character to die, and since every single favorite character I've had has either died, or spent the rest of their life miserable.

So for those of you who don't know, and you should seeing as the book came out four years ago, Fred dies. I was really broken up when I read those words, "No! Fred NO!" Like cried for thirty minuets upset. So waiting for this movie, the final the second half, was hard and nerve wracking. I was going to have to watch him die, and that was going to be hard. Overall I felt like there wasn't enough of him in the final movie--his death wasn't really shown, and it wasn't expanded upon enough, but I'm biased, aren't I?

The kiss. Amazing. I wish they had then had more lip-locking between Ron and Hermione, but I liked the kiss they showed and was contented with it.

Snape. There isn't much to say. Alan Rickman is the only person they could have cast in this role, and he nailed it. His memories, nailed. Except I wanted more. I wanted more detail, more memories.

Overall I just wanted MORE.

And after everything J.K. Rowling has given me, her stories--without them I would not love reading, I would not love writing, I would not be who I am. I know I must sound absolutely nuts, and after crying so hard last night my brains may have been liquefied into tears, I may be.

I was given eight movies, and I will own every one once this comes to DVD. So asking for anything else seems greedy.

However the movie left me wondering...wanting. It was the shortest film in the series, clocking in at around 130 minuets. So there was room for more, and I just wished they'd filled it. However I know when the DVDs come out there will be loads of deleted scenes and extras and I will be over the moon when that happens...

Yeah I'm still in shock, and not sure. I'm going through the five stages of grief, I know that. Right now I'm in denial, and I'm scared. My childhood was crafted around the lore one woman dreamed up and tied together. And that is over. In esscence this "end of an era" is the end of my childhood as well, and that is absolutely terrifying.

Going ahead is a great mystery. There is no next book to look forward to, no new movies, I am stepping into the future with nothing to guide me, and I am beyond afraid.

inspiration...

I've decided to do a post about inspiration, or really to re-post a post I wrote for my Critique Group's blog, about inspiration. I just found it the other day when I was rereading all our old posts and thought it would fit nicely.

What inspires me…I don’t really know my compulsion to write is just that--a compulsion. I don’t know how not to. I find that this sentence rings true for a lot of writers out there, they just can't not write.

I have to stress that point, the thing of it is that I am not able to completely pin down what triggers my--I dunno what you call it “idea button” or something—creativity I think will fit the bill for now. In fact just the other day, (I don’t remember what I was doing) someone said something that I immediately scribbled down onto my hand, then into my notebook, and then texted myself. About seven simple words that have since spurred my latest story idea, no I will not share them with you for fear you may have the same brilliant idea and beat me to the punch. Kidding, I’m not going to share because it’s personal and I haven’t decided in what direction I want to take my story. Maybe then I’ll share.

I have an amazing family, who’ve not only supported me in all my choices but who also are just inspiring human beings. I’ve been lucky enough to have two aunts whom have both had serious forms of advanced stage four cancer and defied the odds, only one is still with us now but the way they’ve dealt with it was just mind boggling, I admire them for it every single day.

Of course then there is the media. (No not moronic newscasters, I avoid them—they are a pet peeve of mine). Music, sometimes you’ll be in a writing funk and a song you’ve never heard before pops onto the radio and BAM! An idea is there. Or you’re watching TV and an interaction between two characters has your heart racing and all of the sudden you can’t breath and BAM! You’ve figured out this scene that has been bothering you. And my favorite, by far, you are reading a book and you are so taken with the eloquence of the writing you feel the need to go back and rewrite entire scenes in your novel (not to mimic the other authors eloquence or style, no). To try to condense as best you can and prefect your voice, the flow of your story, to give someone reading your story the sense of elation.

That is the kind of inspiration I long for, the kind that drops out into your lap and just takes your breath away. It happens--it does, not always often (though sometimes it’s just like BAM! BAM! BAM! And you can’t stop the inspiration flow.) But it happens and those are the moments that matter the ones you have to hold close to your heart and nurture.

But inspiration isn’t just that “ah-ha” moment when the seed of an idea is planted, it has to do with the support and nourishment for that idea too. And that support can be found in all sorts of places. From your family, your friends, and I am lucky enough to have the strongest support system in the world. To find your true inspiration and help it grow, you have to surround yourself with people who care, who are honest and will tell it to you as it is—like a bangin’ critique group, a best friend, a mouthy baby sister or two. Those are the people who matter and they are there for the inspiration, whither they are doing the inspiring or nurturing, they are the ones to hold close and cherish.

Where I Instruct You to GO LOOK

So anyone who has been reading my blog at all knows that I am friends with K.M. Walton, a fellow writer who is represented by Sarah LaPolla, and whose debut novel Cracked (which has a gorgeous cover that you can ogle at here) will be released March 3rd 2012!!

She just launched her author website, and it is beautiful! I felt I had to do a post to direct you over there!!

Here is the link. Head over and appreciate the prettiness, it was designed by her sister Christina MacRae, and developed by Gregg Fair. Neither of whom I know but they need credit where credit is due!

Now head over to K.M. Walton's Website and ogle people!!

The Great Reread

So in roughly fourteen days Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 is released.

Safe to say I am already freaking out!

My costume still isn't all together, though I did already buy my midnight showing IMAX tickets, oh and I need to buy a new pair of contacts...also I haven't exactly decided on the character I want to be...maybe Ginny...or Katie Bell...just someone...I don't think I could pull off Luna or Fleur, I'm just not blond enough...maybe I'll just be a random student...regardless I'm getting off track.

As of tomorrow I will begin what I have dubbed "The Great Reread", I intend to read through all of the Harry Potter books, again, before the midnight showing. I'm SO pumped! This is the end of an era people, I'm going to cry and be a mess but I'm okay with that, because Harry has seen me through a lot and I'm going to be there till the end.

J.K. Rowling dedicated the seventh novel, in part, to "and to you, if you have stuck with Harry until the very end", I was one of those people. I've been with him forever, granted I was a little too young and inexperienced reading when the books were first published but I started reading the books in third grade, just a few months after the paperback version of the third came out. I was addicted to them. Without Harry I would not love reading, and I would not be who I am today. I'm seeing Harry out with everything I've got, it is a bittersweet end, but I have no doubt he will be with me forever. I'm going to read his story to my kids, grand kids--heck I've already started with my nephew (before they get to see the movies obviously). And I'm always going to cherish the memories attached to him--the midnight releases of the books, the movies, etc. It will always be with me.

So here goes. Time to reread!

Writing, It Isn't Easy.

That is the honest to goodness truth. Writing isn’t easy. It’s downright hard. No one ever publishes a book overnight. It takes the idea seeding, lots of pen on paper (or fingers on keyboard), drafting, redrafting, drafting again, queries, heartbreak, more queries, more heart wrenching, deals, nail biting, etc. A book is not written, nor is it published over night.

It takes talent. Loads of talent, to pick up a pen and write a novel. And then it takes a shit load of gumption and courage to put yourself out their, expose your brain child to the scrutinizing eyes of others, to be observed and critiqued by other people. It is human nature to want to please others, and to fear criticism. No one wants to hear someone bashing something they’ve invested pieces of their soul in, something they are emotionally invested in. They want everyone else to love it just as much as they do.

And that isn’t always the case. I think it is a fair bet to say anyone reading this post does understand what I mean, everyone struggles to pull words together and form sentences you’re proud of sentences, ideas, characters, who you want to share with the world. It just isn’t easy.

Now I believe everyone is born with a natural talent. This opinion may not be one you share, I’ve run into plenty of people who don’t agree with me; that is fine. Natural talents can be anything. Anything. From being able to tie cherry stems into knots in your mouth, to figuring out the quadrillionth digit of pi in your head. But regardless of how much natural talent you have, you cannot succeed without practice. I do not care if you are born with the gift to speak parseltounge—if you never once attempt to communicate with a snake you’ll never know you can. Or if you know you can, and choose not to flex that muscle—because if you don’t use it you loose it—then fifteen years after you last communicated with a snake you’ll be at a loss for slippery syllables.

It works the other way too though. You don’t have to have the natural talent to succeed. Am I making any sense? Uh lemme try to clarify. A violinist who is dyslexic struggles to read their music, they are tone def, and have no sense of rhythm. However they found something they love, the violin, and they are not going to let any of those things inhibit them from playing in the orchestra and kicking ass. It isn’t natural talent that gets that violinist the solo, it is their persistence, their refusal to give up and courage to keep going on even when the odds are stacked against them.

What I’m trying to say is that it takes work not just random coincidence that just so happens to get you published. You can be the best wordsmith around but just having the ability to construct a sentence with beautiful prose means nothing if you don’t do something with it. You also could be the most inexperienced, unsuspecting, person who happens to write fifteen drafts of a novel, and works with everything they have to improve it, and ends up taking the publishing world by storm and making history.

Success was not built on natural talent, because having the natural talent means nothing if you don’t use it. Success is built on determination, practice and persistence. Not luck or chance of any of those kinds of things. Success is what you make it, what you mold it to be.

Writing a book is hard. Getting represented is hard. Getting published may indeed be the hardest feat of all. But you can’t let yourself be derailed or discouraged by the idea that you lack natural talent, or allow yourself to become blinded with the natural talent you have and never work on that skill.

Writing is hard.

After all if it was easy, everyone would do it.

New Leaves

I’m turning over leaves. New ones to be exact.

I’ve decided to post regularly. And I know I've said that before but it will happen this time! At least once a week, twice if I can manage it. I’m aiming for Tuesdays and Fridays, and then I will be posting to my Critique Group's blog, TheInkSlingers, on Thursdays, my regular day.

To prove this new leaf-ness I have embraced the concept of lists and schedules. My life is being planned down to the letter. I have a new list for everything. And a nice pretty schedule book with my goings on scribbled inside. It is actually working out pretty well, and hopefully I will be able to make it habit enough that once college you know happens, as it inevitably will, that I will be more organized. Yay for organization!

Also you will be seeing my presence around the blogsphere more, not just in posts, but I will be commenting around more. Like I said in my posting absence I never stopped reading what was on everyone else’s mind I just wasn’t commenting as often as I should have been. So more comment will be going down.

Oh and today I reorganized my bookshelf, I’m going to need a new one because the three I have are just so full. And if my current summer reading goes as planned there will be many more covers with pages in between to shove into alphabetical order (by author) to be observed and appreciated by me and my family/friends.

Grove. Getting into it. Getting it Back...Basically Regular Posts are Needed!

Uh so this past week I may have graduated high school.

Maybe.

I'm still not exactly sure I walked across that stage and accepted my diploma. It may have been my evil twin. (You know the same twin who has been holding my hostage and preventing me from coming up with witty/interesting posts.) But I have a lovely cap as evidence. And some paper thingy that says I did indeed meet the requirements set forth by my town to be considered a high school graduate. Weird. I was pretty sure I was still a freshman...
Well down to business. I have picked a college, and am currently saving every penny I have so I can afford it come the fall, when people said college wasn't cheap they were not kidding. It has been far to long since I was posting on a regular basis. So I've decided this summer I'm turning over a new leaf, renewing my new years resolutions and following through. So yeah be prepared for more posting done by yours truly as well as my presence you know actually showing up around the blogsphere more. And I just want it to be clear just because I haven't been posting or commenting doesn't mean I haven't been reading! I check up on my little blog roll every day! And I read all the posts I could between school and work. However now I will be reading and commenting and being more of a nosey busy body presence. Be prepared!! Muhahahaha...Also I have like a billion emails to send out, because I may not have checked my old email since uh...well much longer than I would like to admit and therefore I wont...off I go to do that! First step!!

K.M. Got a COVER!

Alright so those of you who've been with me for awhile know that I adore K.M. Walton, I think that it is beyond imperative that you follow her blog. I talk about her all the time, because she rocks.

For those of you who are just becoming aware of my adoration of her here us the basic summary: She has an epic agent and an awesome publishing deal and her cover just came out...and it is BEAUTIFUL.

I would post a picture of it on here, but it's for K.M.'s blog and hers alone for now. (Until I get to load up a pic of it in my side bar under a MUST READ OR SUFFER PAIN OF DEATH tab, because then rest assured it will be here.) This is her moment, so I wanted to instruct you to hightail your butt over onto her blog, and VIEW it.

So just in case you missed my links throughout this post here it is AGAIN.

HERE IS THE LINK TO ONE OF THE PRETTIEST COVERS EVER!!!!

Persistence

I have to start this post out with an apology. I've been super absent, missing out on a load of events around the blogsphere that I shouldn't have. So to my blogger friends and the lovely readers who ever spent their time reading over my musings I'm sorry.

In the past three months I've gotten into nine colleges, been deferred from one, weight-listed at another and denied from one. I have heard back from all twelve schools that I applied to. And I've made my decision, based on the Education and Writing program.

Now onto my topic of the day. Persistence.

You can never give up on dreams and goals. When I say NEVER I mean NEVER.
J.K. Rowling didn't give up, she wrote on used napkins in a cafe with a sleeping baby sitting in a stroller next to her! If that isn't extreme persistence I don't know what is.

I'm going to tell you something. My senior prom is in a few weeks. Now I have asked a grand total of four people, all of whom have said no. But that is not going to stop me. Truthfully I would have loved to go with a group of friends this year, as I had a great time with a date last year. However everyone has paired off, and frankly everyone knows being the fifteenth wheel is not fun. So I'm going to find someone, somehow. I guess my point is I am NOT going to give up. I will be persistent and I will find someone.

Just like I am persistent in my writing. Just like YOU, whoever is reading this, need to be persistent in your writing, in everything you do!

I'm not going to stop writing because I'm sick, or in college, or working full time or if and when I become a parent. I'm going to write because it is what I love, it is what I'm good at, and there is nothing that can stand between me and my pen and paper.

I just wanted to remind whoever is out there to be persistent, never give up. Do what you love and love what you do. Because in the end we only have so much time allotted to us, and you damn sure better make the most of it.

Getting down to buisness...

Alright so I am working on getting myself back into the grove of writing posts and writing regularly, working on it promise, so it takes baby steps. And now that I am in the second semester of senior year the stress has decreased a little and I am finding my way back to the land of the organized. Or at least my land of the organized, which is not the average land of the organized, in fact a lot of people think it's the land of the disorganized/organized/--well okay it is not organized in the slightest, but I have a little more control over it than I have had.

My friend K.M., whom I adore she's awesome people her blog always makes me smile and I know I can always email her if I need someone to talk to, is have this little contest in light of all the snow we've been having. All you have to do is talk about her contest, via blogging, twitter, facebook or any other form of communication you feel applicable.

She's giving away a bunch of prizes and well go on over, follow her and BAM comment and spread the word about her lovely contest!!

Okay I'm off to write, and do homework, and enjoy my double snow day. I know I should be bummed that we will not be graduating until August, but I don't even CARE! I am loving these snow days, so very very very very very very very very very very very much.

So off to work...kind of. Oh and keep your eye out in celebration of Valentines day, which is my least favorite holiday of the year, and my upcoming birthday (I do not want to be eighteen. *sigh*), I am going to have a little giveaway of my own. I haven't figured out all the logistics of it yet but there will be chocolate. I love chocolate. And I work at a chocolate store, so yeah.

^-^

Kiss Her Damnit!!

I suppose my No-Kiss scene for this epic fest needs a little bit of an introduction. So here goes, the basic info you need to get the scene. What you need to know:

1) They are on a road trip

2) Zoie just inadvertently adopted a puppy(Bear), by complete accident, but she loves him.

3) They are driving through the country side and have stopped for the night in this old private property because they were way too far away from a hotel and well they’re teenagers, money is not something they have readily at their disposal. She goes for a nice long walk in the morning exploring the property and finds a large water fountain.

4) She talked Demetri into this trip.

Here we go. I would like to apologize beforehand for a few of the grammatical errors that I know are there (because they always are) even though I scoured over this thing trying to make it cohesive. As always feedback is appreciated and I will try to comment on all the other contributions once I get home from work tonight. Happy 2nd Annual No-Kiss Blogfest!!!

Zoie took her shoes off and rolled up her jeans stepping into the fountain. For a moment she just stood there watching as the water traveled around bubbling up and cascading down the elegant sculpture. She reached forwards, closed her eyes and let the cool stream flow over her hand. Bear yipped up at her and she jumped, opening her eyes to glance down at the puppy. He had his two front paws up on the fountain wall starring up at her with big pathetic mudpies for eyes. Zoie leaned over and scooped him up placing him next to her on the wall of the fountain. He stared at his reflection in the water, tilting his head to the side curiously.

“See silly? You’re not missing anything. It’s just water.” she leaned forwards slipping her hand under his reflection in the water and splashing it up at him. He jumped back growling and she giggled standing up, walking away from him, her hands in the air, spinning around slowly. The wind nipped at her ears, the cool excess spray from the fountain landing on her cheeks with the utmost care. Dots beginning to speckle her vision, and Zoie began to slow down, trying to steady herself.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Demetri’s voice shattered the quiet of the morning and Zoie slipped falling backwards into the water. She landed squarely on her butt, just under the cascading expulsion of the fountain. She started to laugh.

“Zoie! What the hell are you doing? This is Private Property, if we get caught we will get in trouble as in jail! I only agreed to stop here because you promised you’d behave!” she didn’t look at him, her hand covering her mouth as she continued to giggle.

“Zoie!” he hollered, and Bear turned towards him, a low growl escaping his lips, he let out a high pitched woof, raising his hackles at Demetri. Zoie waded over to the edge of the fountain where Demetri was standing.

“There is no one here. Take a chill.”

“Zoie this is so stupid we could get in serious trouble, I mean it is bad enough that we’re skipping school and driving over a thousand miles away from where we live, if we get caught we are so dead.” He ran a hand through his hair, and then placed either hand onto the fountains edge leaning forwards. She smiled at him, moving closer to him, she reached out her hands grasping onto the front of his shirt.

“Demetri, you really need to lighten up.” And with that she tugged him into the water with her.

She backed away, giggling as Demetri sat up in the water.

“You are so going to regret that.” He dove at her, grasping onto her side and tickling her feverishly. She began to twist and turn back and fourth painful laughter bubbling up inside her, as they struggled. She tried to tickle him back but he held her tight.

“Stop—Demetri—stop” her voice came in sharp gasps, her brown eyes wide with desperation but he didn’t let go. Zoie shifted again managing to wiggle free.

“That was not fair! You’re bigger than me!”

“You sound like a four year old.” Demetri said as he splashed at her. She moved towards him in the water, admiring how wet shirt clung to his muscles.

“Oh bite me.” They were standing up now and he stood a good foot above her, so she stood up on her tip-toes trying as best she could to get into his face.

“Maybe I will.” He placed one hand onto either of her shoulders, his eyes searching her face. Her mouth twitched up in a smile and she leaned in closer to her, her arms finding their way around his neck so she was completely pressed against him.

“Maybe” she took a deep breath, her mouth as close to his as she could manage, “you should.”

He leaned forwards blood coursing through his veins, he wondered after all this time if she still tasted the same, or if the years they’d spent apart had altered her so completely he wouldn’t recognize her lips.

“Woof!” The ten pound mutt lunged towards them, his hackles raised a growl perched on his lips, throwing himself between his master and the boy he felt was a threat. They split apart as the dog crashed into the water. He let out a yip, began to slash wildly back and forth, his eyes growing wide with fear. Immediately Zoie scooped him up, he clung to her, shaking wet, whimpering from the cold.

“I guess he doesn’t like the water.” Demetri said taking a step back and sticking his hands, unsuccessfully, into his damp pockets, his blue eyes searching her face. She didn’t meet his eyes, just nodded and waded her way over to the edge of the fountain, putting bear down onto the ground and climbing out herself. She rung her hair out and then turned to him.

“Come on, we’ve got to go.” Then she scooped the puppy up again and began to march towards where their van was, leaving Demetri alone wading in a fountain.

So the verdict is?

Alright everyone have a nice day, enjoy the almost kisses and Happy New Year!! Oh and thank you for reading I really appreciate it! :)

Two Days Late But None The Less HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Alright. It's been a tough year, so I'm gonna keep this short. Last year I posted my goals, here, and I'm going to recap the goals I met those I didn't and summarize my new goals! Ready? Okay!(Please ignore the peppy-ness it is late and I am tired)

Last year I wanted to (The ones I achieved are in italicized(hehe I love that button)):

-Finish a WIP
-Finish He’s With Me
-Edit
-Edit
-Edit
-Edit
-Do research for Glass Heart
-Finish Glass Heart
-Edit
-Edit
-Edit
-Find a Crit. Group
-Get into College
-Get through Jr. Year
-Read, over 100 books
-Pass AP exams (with flying colors)
-Give Kittens baths
-Work on stepping out of my comfort zone.
-Work on stepping out of my comfort zone.
-Query until my fingers bleed (after finishing
And editing obviously)
-And get a job (ick)

Overall not so bad out of 21 I did 9! That is just over 1/3!...alright that kind of sucks but college took up way more of my time than I estimated it would so that is life. My goals for this year are similar, and in some ways different. Here we go:


-Do MORE research for Glass Heart
-Finish Glass Heart
-Edit
-Read, over 100 books
-Pass AP exams (with flying colors)
-Give Kittens baths
-Continue to work on stepping out of my comfort zone.
-Query until my fingers bleed (after finishing
And editing obviously)
-Choose a school(for those who are wondering I have been accepted to 6 for 6, out of 14 applications so it will be tough. What was I thinking?)
-Buy(and read) EVERY book that is written by one of my buddies on the blogsphere
-Go to THE MAGICAL WORLD OF HARRY POTTER
-Buy a Wand from Olivanders at TMWOHP.
-Figure out some of the Bestie angst I've been dealing with.
-Clean my room
-Categorize my entire book collection before departing for college
-Organize my life (hehe not happening, but I can hope)
-Help out my crit. groups as much as I can.
-Oh and most important, be at the Midnight Showing for HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2 in full HP garb. Yes I am that kind of nerd!
-Alright, I lied, this is the most important, begin posting regularly again, on this blog and my critique group blog.

So that's it.

I will meet most of these, I hope.

And though this is two days overdue and I'm such a slacker I still want to wish you all a WONDERFUL New Year, and I hope with every fiber of my hyper super caffeinated being that all your aspirations and goals pan out for you!