Saturday, March 27, 2010
Okay now that I've taken a deep breath, to continue...so all this means that there will be a blog posting hiatus. I won't lie, I've fallen victim to not writing by posting or commenting because I feel less guilty for not writing, if I'm on here. I love posting and commenting it's addicting. So for the time being, though I'll still be reading blogs occasionally, I'll only be posting/commenting once a week. I think for now Mondays are going to be the sanctioned days for said posts/comments but I don't really know. It all depends what goes down.
This is just a temporary goodbye to the blogsphere. I'll miss you guys for the six days a week I'm not allowing myself on here, but I know that this is whats best for my writing, oh and school. Though really I'm more concerned about my writing. Bad Hayley, I know.
I'll be back soon *tear*. And you guys thanks for all the great comments on my fiftieth post and all the encouraging words involving my nerves. You're awesome.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Sorry, the photo is kind of blurry cell phone camera, you know? Anywho I asked you guys what you wanted to know and here's what you asked.
K.M. wanted to know:
If time travel were a possibility, where would go in time and why? This is a loaded question. I wish my answer was sophisticated and more intelligent but it's not. It's actually a selfish answer. I would only want to go back in time to change things. Not just watch. There are two points in time where I would like to go, the first is back five years ago, I mean you guys have all heard my piece about that. Basically I would stop her from getting in that car. Even if tire slashing was required. The other place in time I'd go would be back ten years to stop little young seven year old me from ruining her friendship. I learned the outcome of that the hard way. I wish I'd learned it earlier on, with a friendship that meant less to me. But that didn't happen. I would go back in time and stop myself from making something that I consider to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I know changing those things would alter my life as it is now, because both have affected me a lot in the past few years. So if I could do all of this, I'd like to keep the knowledge I gained from these expiriences because they have been key in shaping who I've become. Frankly, if I couldn't I'd still change what happened anyways, because I would still love writing, I'd still want to get published, that wouldn't change. And that is what I think I couldn't live without. But I could be wrong, we'll never know.
Portia wanted to know:
When you're sick or feeling blue or just needing inspiration, what book do you reach for? The Harry Potter series. I know that's got to be cliché, but the first book was the first novel I ever read all by myself. And they inspired me to write, so whenever I'm feeling really down I always know that Harry, Ron and Hermione will be right there for me. So I always reach for HP it's safe.
What is your favorite thing you've written and why? Favorite thing I've ever written? That really is a hard one! I'd have to say it's the scene in He's With Me where Mitch dies. Morbid? Yes. But it's one of the scenes I'm the proudest of, and I wrote it as a short story so it has enough strength to stand alone outside the WIP.Piedmont Writer asked:
If you were stranded on a desert island and could only take three books with you, what would they be? Not fair. Okay three books? HP 3 and 7. As stated above I'm especially attached to these books. As for book number three, this is a hard one, I wish my answer would be a little more sophisticated but it's not. I'd choose Perfect Chemistry because every time I read it I'm consumed with giggles and it's really romantic. I'm a hopeless romantic so you see the appeal here.
Do you listen to music while writing? If so, what do you listen to? Yes, sometimes. And it depends what's on the radio, the TV what my iPod turns on. Mostly it's country, or sad music. I like sad music ballads and stuff, which I know sounds depressing but it's what I like.
And what made you decide to purse writing/publishing? What made me come to that decision? I love writing, and it just seemed like the natural course to take. I really don't know, I guess someone asked me about it one day and I just said "Yeah I'll get published eventually." And thus began my goal. When that happened, I don't really know, I've wanted to get published since I was in about fifth grade, so it must have happened sometime around then.
Lisa and Laura asked:
How do you find time to write and go to school? Are you as overbooked as the other 17-year-olds we know? And go to school? Psh, I write during class. My teachers think I'm the most diligent note taker. Kidding, kidding, well kind of. Honestly I'm a bad balancer. I don't really find the time, I'm learning I have to make it myself, it's really hard. I'm not overbooked per-se, I only participate in a couple clubs and I don't do sports, and sadly am currently unemployed. However I do occasionally get swamped with school work, and do have a little tiny issue with procrastination that I'm working on. So to answer the question in short, I have no idea.
Uh that's all I'm off to talk myself through these really tight nerves coiled in my lower stomach that are starting to make me hyperventilate with anxiety because I've decided to ask cute French class boy to prom, as friends, tomorrow (I was going to do it today but I didn't get the chance) and I'm nervous. I'm like twitching and almost crying and nauseous. I'm going to do it though. I am.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
So here goes...
Her bedroom was lit only by a bedside lamp; it cast dim shadows across the bed, and the walls. The reasonably sized space looked like it would belong to a twelve year old girl, not the seventeen year old one that lay curled in the bed. Her cropped black hair pooled out under her head like a sheet of ebony satin, her pale skin all but glowed in the darkness. She wasn't the normal size of a seventeen year old, years of internal struggle had reduced her to a small figure nestled in the covers of the bed, trembles ricocheting through her body.
A boy about her age was wide awake in an arm chair next to the bed. Sleep weighed down on his eyes and every few moments he shook his head, he didn’t want to fall asleep in case she needed him. He glanced at her, stretching as he moved in the chair that had, in the past few months, almost become a part of his body. His blue eyes focused on her through the darkness, he ran a hand through his hair. It hurt to watch her in pain, and she'd taken her meds that night. He stood up and looked away from her, hands on his head as he walked over to the cork board she’d hung on her wall years ago. He needed to stay awake.
The board was caught in darkness, the pictures looked faded in the half light. They occupied all the photos as children, one was of them dressed as bride and groom, from kindergarten when they’d pretended to get married. Her long black hair had been pulled back into a sloppy ponytail, with large wide doe brown eyes, the ring he’d given her had been too big and so they’d threaded it through with a piece of string and put it around her neck.
There was a picture of them, around age seven, with birthday cake smeared on their faces; they were sticking their tongues out at the camera grinning like little fools. Another picture was of them on the last day of sixth grade, the year she’d left. He was standing behind her arms around her waist, chin on her shoulder, both were grinning at the camera, happy. Her black hair hung freely, down to her waist, and his brown hair stood up in a hundred different directions. Even then he’d been so much taller than she was. They’d never known what was coming.
“Demetri!” his name was just a tiny whimper, but it sounded pained as though she was trying to scream, but couldn’t find the strength. He spun towards her, his heart thundering in his chest. She sat up her hands shaking as she gasped for air, he could see the tears as they poured from under her closed lids.
“Zo,” he was at her side before she could utter anything else. “Zoie, what’s wrong?” his fingers traced her face, carefully wiping away the tears with his coarse fingertips. Her bottom lip trembled, but she didn’t answer.
“Zo,” his voice was steady patient, she never liked taking more meds even if it was what she needed. He ran a hand through her hair, and then rubbed it in circles along her back.
“What’s wrong? What hurts? Do I need to call Alyssa and Luc?” she shook her head, taking a deep breath before she opened her big brown eyes. He climbed up into the bed next to her.
“No, I’m fine, don’t call them. They’re on a date. It’s a long needed break.” Her voice shook.
“Then what’s wrong.” He asked as she tucked her head into the crook of his neck, threading her arms around his waist, he pulled her close.
“It was a nightmare.” She cried, biting his shirt in an attempt to stop her tears. “You-you died.” He could almost see the sick humor in it, the irony, he didn’t laugh, though one threatened to bubble up inside him.
“Before me,” her words stopped the chuckle cold. He stroked her hair, placing her into his lap as he kissed her temple again and again.
“Demetri, I— I want to ask you something.”
“Shoot, Zo.” She leaned forwards pressing her warm lips to his ear. Her voice was surprisingly steady for what she was asking, but musical. He held her tight, his eyes widened as she spoke, and his heart jumping into his throat. Of course he wanted to, she was Zoie, his Zoie, but he couldn’t. Once she was done asking she looked at him from the top of her large eyes, he’d never said no to that look, and rested her head onto his chest again.
“You’re sick.” Demetri whispered as though it was an answer, stroking her hair as he cradled her against his chest. He'd said no to her once before, and he wasn't sure he could say it again.
“I know,” she replied, her lips pressed against the fabric of his t-shirt. “Brain tumors aren’t contagious though. It wouldn’t hurt you.”
“But it’ll hurt you.” Zoie pulled away from his chest to look at him, her deep brown eyes determined.
“I’m not afraid,” she pulled even further away from him, turning to look at the cork board running her hands through her short black hair. As she turned away from him he could just make out the seven blue dots at the base of her skull. He hated those damned spots, he thought they were cute because they were a part of her, but he hated them, hated what they meant to him, to her.
“Of course not. But we still aren’t—”
“I’m sick; it’s not a reason not to.” She muttered curling up next to him again.
“It’s all the reason not to.”
“I’m dying Demetri.” Her words stung, she’d said them before, he’d said them before but the way she was using them now. It hurt. He only wanted to make her happy to give her reason to keep fighting. Even though it was hopeless, every day he could feel her slipping away more and more.
“I know.” His voice caught and he kissed the top of her head fiercely as tears welled in his eyes.
“So I can’t do that.” He blinked the tears away as he said it.
“But you love me?”
“Always Zo, always.”
“Then do this for me. Please? While I can still see you, while I can still be aware, while I’m still alive. Please? I want this, I want you.” She sounded so defeated, and he had barely been able to refuse her before, and now he was emotionally drained and sleep deprived. How could he muster the ability to say no now? He wanted it just as much as she did, he just didn’t want it this way. He knew this would be the only chance they’d get; the only chance she'd get.
He wasn’t one to believe in miracles. Even though he wanted to.
He responded by reaching over and moving her bangs across her face. Tucked them behind her ear, and cupped her face in his hand, before bending his head down to kiss her. His lips were a little dry, but she didn't seem to mind kissing him back, her soft lips compressing against his with just as much hunger and force. She lifted his shirt over his head, as he unbuttoned her top.
When he was positioned over her, he mumbled words that sounded like “I don’t want to hurt you” “Tell me if I hurt you, I’ll stop”. But as he moved, she moved with him, when she cried out he talked her through it, kissed her harder and did whatever he could to keep her mind off whatever pain he was putting her through. His hands explored every curve of her body, and hers roamed freely over his chest and back. Pleasure pulsed through them, it was as though they'd finally become one. The connection that had pulled them together their entire lives was solidified, hosting two people as one. Everything felt right, for once.
After, she’d curled up next to him, her breathing steady a smile spread across her mouth, her bangs dampened with sweat. He reached up and brushed them off her brow, before putting his hand back behind his head.
“I love you.” she whispered, tucking her head into the crook of his arm. “Thank you, that was…perfect.”
“I love you so much Zo and I’m—”
“Do not apologize for giving me the most wonderful night ever.” She propped herself up on her arm, so she could look him in the eye.
“I don’t regret it, I’ll never regret it. Promise me you’ll never regret it too.”
“I promise Zoie. I’ll never regret it.” it was the truth; he had wanted it just as much as she had, though he felt guilty like they’d done it because she was sick. He wouldn’t regret the time he spent with her, ever.
“It was what I wanted.” She paused as she traced her fingers along his chest. “I’m going to miss your eyes.”
“I love you Zo.” His voice caught in his throat, he hated it when she talked like this. She bent down and kissed him.
“Just when— when I can’t see.” She took a deep breath, looking away from him as her fingers struggled to re-button her pajama blouse. He resisted the urge to help her, because he knew she'd be offended that he was treating her like a child after everything they'd just done.
“Don’t leave me.”
“That’s not fair. I’m never going to leave you, never. Please don’t talk like that.”
Zoie nodded, and tucked her head back into the crook of his arm. He could feel her shivering and pulled the blankets tighter around her, kissing her head, then her mouth, as she settled into his arms.
“I love you,” he whispered as she slipped into a deep sleep.
When Alyssa and Luc came home they found Zoie and Demetri cuddled together under Zoie’s covers. Alyssa smiled, reminded of the time when they had been children, best friends attached at the hip and everything had been so much simpler. She trusted them, knew that nothing beyond cuddling would occur, and besides Demetri had needed to get out of that godforsaken armchair and get some sleep. Alyssa tiptoed into the room and turned off her baby sister’s lamp.
And the verdict is? Hate it? Love it? Cliché? Please enlighten me!
The point of this post is to one, talk about my odd love of eyes. You've heard me make reference to this cute kid in one of my classes who has the most clear blue eyes I've like ever seen and his best friend has eyes like an "icy moss"(I reluctantly quote Sashi, we are in the middle of an argument). So eyes are pretty. Yeah.
But I was wondering if everyone else puts as much thought into the eye color of their characters as I do. Because I think about it a lot before I make a decision. Like for Mitch, I wanted his eyes to be welcoming and warm so he got a nice hazel, and Darren he's new and fresh and bright. He's what Kali needs. So he of course gets minty green eyes. Kali, she was spunky and spontaneous and her eyes had to reflect that change, hence the blue (I also wanted them to stand out against her dark brown hair) which if you know anyone with blue eyes reflect the owners feelings like they're written across their face. Seriously I have blue eyes and when I'm happy they're really bright and when I'm sad they're really cloudy.
Then Declan he was brooding and dark, but I wanted Ashlyn to be able to see the beauty in his eyes anyways so he got grey eyes. I also wanted Ashlyn's eyes to be something Declan could see all over the place, hence her golden eyes. He can't avoid the sun you know?
So back to the original question, does anyone else focus on the eyes like this? Or really any other aspect of your characters appearance, because you think it reflects their personality? I'm just wondering if I'm the only one.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
However they weren't half as hard as I thought they were going to be...I think I should have omitted way more questions than I did...
I'm like curl up in a ball and sleep for a week tired, but I guess that's what happens when you wake up at FOUR AM even though you don't have to be up for another two hours but you can't fall back to sleep. And then you have to test for over three hours.
So in my last post, for number 4 I believe said "I have a secret about school...I can't stand it" this was slightly misinterpreted as I had a secret I really wanted to tell. I just meant it as the secret is though I put on a fun face for family and friends I can't stand school. So because I mislead lots of you, I'm really really sorry, I decided to post about secret I have relating to school...ready? You are warned, I'm sorry if this is a letdown.
I'm not so sure I want to go to college, this is a big one. My entire life college has been in the plans, I know I have to go but I'm not sure I want to. I also know that if I take a year off though I may never go back.
I got a chance to change middle schools because we had a new one built in our town. My bestie(Zippy) was going, and it was a smaller environment something that would have really helped me. And I didn't go. I sometimes regret this decision and sometimes not, if I hadn't I wouldn't have met my other besties (Sashi, and FrenchFrey) but if I had I would have had a better education.
Scandal alert! One of my teachers(well not mine but one of my friends) got fired(or quit depends who you hear the rumor from) because of this stupid senior prank thing, and I think(based on what I know and rumor) that they were just looking for someone to blame and she was a scapegoat because it would look bad to expel five seniors in the second semester of school. So these guys who vandalized our library, were suspended for three days and aren't allowed to participate in senior activities. They're the kind of kids who don't care about the kind of stuff their now banned from. So the punishment isn't even that big a deal. I just think they wanted to blame the teacher, she didn't know what they were going to do. Most of the rumors I heard substantiate that they took the keys from her, and didn't give them back. Yeah she was wrong to put her trust in those kids but everyone makes mistakes like that sometimes.
I haven't done a shred of homework at home, like real sit down and work for a couple hours work, for my entire high school career. Projects are obviously a different story. My younger sister works harder than I do.
And that's really it, not very scrumptious as far as secrets go. You know what I'll try to think of better ones for a post later on. Maybe if you guys have secret spurring questions I may think of more...sorry.
But anyhow my brain is fried so I'm going out for pizza and then I'm going to sleep until like noon tomorrow.
Friday, March 12, 2010
I'm a beautiful blogger? Aw shucks *blushes* thank you so much Tessa, I really am flattered. And so here are the rules that come with the Beautiful Blogger Award:
Thank & link to the person that gave you the award.
Pass this award onto 15 bloggers you’ve recently discovered and think are fantastic.
Contact said Blogs and let them know they’ve won
State 7 things about yourself
I'm going to start with the fifteen blogs.
Whew- I'm a little winded. So now the seven things about me...
1)I'm horribly attracted to men with certian names, it's not the names that attract me but it just so happens that a majority of my crushes have tend to have one of four names. Kid you not.
2)I have no idea what I'm doing. Regarding everything
3)I'm a fangirl at heart, like the couples I ship on the TV shows I watch...don't even get me started about Tiva, and how apparently I'm the only NCIS LA viewer who ships Sam/Kensi...Moving on.
4)I have a secret about school...I can't stand it.
5)I am going to be a crazy cat lady. Whenever I see a cute little kitten I want to scoop it up and take it home with me. Like really badly.
6) I'm taking three AP classes next year, and am debating taking a fourth. Not because I enjoy the class and not because I really want to...because of a boy...shhh don't tell my parents.
7)I just bought seven boxes of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies. Now I've only eaten one sleeve, and the large amount to cookies are for the entire year. Yes, like my Halloween candy I make my Girl Scout cookies last until I can order more. Don't judge.
So yep, that's that. I'm off to go to a party (I'll be good promise). And not study for my SATs that are tomorrow. Don't worry you guys will have a post-SAT post tomorrow where I will display all my brain-fried-ness.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
But Aaron, from Blogger Girlz, just sent me back her critiqued view of my chapter three. Maybe it's because I've purposefully not read the chapter in the past four months is why Aaron's critique was so helpful, because I'd been able to step back and not hate it for awhile.
I also think I've realized why it was such a pain to work with in the beginning. Because my WIP starts out with a mature Kali and Darren, while the first before chapter focuses on Mitch and Kali as younger kids like four and five which is important to the plot. And because of the age change the third person narration also had a change, which would explain why I was so annoyed with it in the first place. Duh Hayley.
So, I'm off, all happy to have finally gotten it to a point where I'm not ashamed to let someone read it! Whoot! And after I get it back from Aaron, again, I think I may like it even more! Onward to writing!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I haven't even taken them yet and I'm already on the verge of tears. I've been trying (and failing) to study, not working out well. Let's see what else has gone down this week... ooo my kittens are going to be a year old soon! Yay! (Well not yay because I miss their tiny cuteness but yay because I get to eat cake and say I'm celebrating their birthday! Cake consumption excuses) And they are also going to be big brothers, again. Now I'm not happy about this, because this is the second time their going to be big brothers, their mothers third litter. Her owner is really nice but obviously not very responsible, so my mom and I are taking the kitty to be fixed once this litter is born. We can't rely on her owner to do it, it's not fair to the momma kitty and it isn't fair to the babies. But I do have to say that if all goes well, *crosses fingers* I may have a couple kittens temporarily living in my bedroom for awhile whilst we look for homes for them. If this is the case pictures will be posted.
I went to visit Marist, cute school a decent multiple hour drive away from home, and it had a nice campus. But the thing is up until I saw this school I hadn't really been interested in the college search, now though, now I'm actually excited about looking into schools with my friends and visiting them and hanging around their campuses.
Other than the kitty news, SATs, and the singular college visit not much else has occurred. Ooo prom is coming up, and I'm not so sure I want to go, well okay I want to go but seeing as I am perpetually single and all my friends have either boyfriends or girlfriends or alternate plans I think I'm just going to attend my bestie(Zippy)s anti-prom party. She actually got down on one knee and placed her hand palm up and asked me to her party, I said yes unless I snagged a date to the real prom, placed my hand in hers and she kissed it. This is why we've been best friends since she was 7 days old (kid you not that's when we met, and have lived two houses away ever since, even when I moved!). But she understands the whole if thing, because she gets me. I just thought her proposal was cute. Writing has been put on a standstill, very bad because I'm going to the Backspace Conference in NYC this may and have to polish and primp and finish my second novel(He's With Me for those of you who are wondering). Yeah so I'm off to try and accomplish anything.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Thank you so much Bethany, I'm very flattered that you think my posts radiate sunshine. Thank you.
Now I have to pass this along to 5 deserving blogs that radiate happiness and make me smile. So here goes:
Mariah: Who has Resident Expert days that are just amazing, also she's spunky and I admire her for that.
Frankie: Who is not afraid to make ridiculous deals with the universe to attain her agented/published goal. I would never (as of right now) have the guts to do anything like that so props Frankie for being so brave.
Shannon: Who is fearless because she and Frankie (see above) are in the midst of an all out blog war, and that's scary. Like I said Frankie is basically fearless, which means Shannon you've got guts out the wazoo. I envy you.
K.M.: Who manages to balance two kids, a job and at one point broken bones, and write all at the same time. I would love that balance and coordination.
Karen: Who believes in talking to teens not down to them *bows in thanks*, has an awesome blog design and is just cool.
Of course there are lots of other blogs that I adore but there was a limit. So you guys thank you so much for having awesome blogs and I hope you pass this award around.
Now to the perspective bit. I've been trying to figure out a balance between school and writing, up until this year I didn't need to find one because it was just there. But then suddenly this year, college apps, SATs, job apps, and work just seemed to *WHAM* right in my face. So balance is being searched for, I've set aside my hour, agreed upon by my parents, the one hour a day left to just me, no chores, no homework, no work, just writing. That and chemistry and history have been a great place to pen extra words.
So I guess I'm looking for perspective, writing has always been my everything. Well for the most part, because the time before writing was small and not anything I like to dwell on. And by everything I mean it has taken a precedent over my social life and even at times (though I know it was wrong) my academic career as well.
Here's the thing it's all I ever wanted to do, write I mean, and this is one of those times in my life where I'm supposed to be focusing on my future. I've been asked to pick a major already, I'm not even in college yet and they already want me declaring my major. English, obviously. But that's not the point, I don't really have a definitive plan yet, I don't know what it is I want to do other than write. I don't even know what I want for dinner most days let alone what college I want to go to.
I just want to know if any of you have some advice, or perspective, on this predicament because I'm dreading all of this and that is never the way to enter into something. Let alone something that is going to effect the rest of my life. So my wiser, and slightly older writer friends, any advice? I'm going crazy here and it just feels so ick. My parents are on my case about this and I have no idea what to do.
I'm thinking that someone who isn't me will be able to look at this from a different viewpoint and give me insight into this whole thing.