Friday, November 19, 2010

what now...?

It lived up to my expectations.

Blew them out of the water. Like I had a freak out so huge it was equivalent to Pompeii erupting, with of course the exception of all the dead people, but it was big.

So if you'll excuse me I'm off to plan my night for July 15th 2011.

What am I going to do once this is all over?

What am I going to do with my life? I'm not that interesting, I don't have any grand plans or anything. Truthfully my childhood consisted of living Harry Potter book to book, and oh how did I CRY, as in tears of blood I cried so hard, when I read the final book. So then it was movie to movie, that got me through.

WHAT am I going to do? College isn't going to be as life changing for me as Harry was. I grew up with them, laughed with them. They showed me how to truly love reading, and writing, I wouldn't be who I am without Harry Potter.

I'm going to hang in perpetual obscurity.

Well, not until July 15th 2011, at most likely 3am. Hopefully 4am because then the movie will be super long, and I'll have a little more time with my childhood loves.

I'm off to bed, to ponder my question...what now?

Good thing I don't need an answer for a couple months.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

In Two Minutes

In two minutes it will be exactly 26 hours until I'm watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

To say I am pumped is an understatement. Also I got a Facebook, so if I haven't found you yet please feel free to track me down.

I've got to go prepare, I'm dressing up after all.

End of an era here I come.

Oh and there will be tears. Lots and LOTS of tears.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Go Look!!!!!!!


So my friend K.M., just got herself a book deal with, now wait for it...

Simon and Schuster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I think you should..........


CONGRATS KATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Posted over at Ink

So I'm trying to balance all this college stuff right now. It isn't working very well. But I'm trying.

All I wanted to say was that I did my post, as seen by my post on posting, I'm trying to post here on Tuesdays and over on my critique groups blog on Thursdays. I haven't been making the goal. But college apps will be done by November 15th. Then I'll be consumed by NaNoWriMo, but I should be able to post more often. Hopefully.

Okay *deep breaths* I've got to go work on my college essay again. Wish me luck.

Oh here's the critique group blog link.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

My Blog is a Year Old!!

So a year ago today I did this little ole' post.

And I decided to give into this whole blogging shindig a chance. BTW I'm loving it and all the people I've met through it.

In the past month, I've been...well I haven't done one post in the month of September. I am sorry but my life is no longer in my control a little thing called college applications has taken over. But no worries, I'm applying early action to all my schools so, to put it lightly, all this shit will be out of the way as soon as possible!! Hopefully by November this will be out of the way and then, bring on the stress whilst waiting for reply's, and then of course the Christmas rush at my chocolate store, well not mine, but where I work. I am not prepared for that, maybe I'll have it figured out by then.

So there hasn't been much in way of informing you guys about any of the stuff I had planned for this little guys one year old birthday. Rest assured, I'm almost done writing the essay that is going to determine the rest of my life, and the common application as well. And once all that is done I'm going to have a giveaway contest thingy-ma-gig. So stay tuned. Now I'm off to be productive...or at least that is the intention.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

On Posting

I originally wanted to title this post "Announcement!" but decided that was misleading and changed the title.

I just wanted to inform you that I will now be posting on a regular basis on two blogs, first on my Critique Group, the Ink Slingers on Thursdays, and then I've decided that my posting on here is a little all over the place so I will post every Tuesday and then occasionally post whenever--you know have a little spontaneity.

Other than that I've got to go to bed, work in the morning-woo feel the enthusiasm.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Little Things

The. Little. Things.

As I’m entering my senior year high of school *gasp**runsawayandcriesfromfear*. And I’m trying to enjoy the little things, because not everyone is as blessed as I am. Not everyone gets to make it to seventeen, senior year or even high school. So, as the title says, I’m trying to enjoy the little things. For example, last week I was restocking the chocolates, (milk and dark chocolate caramel pecan turtles) and handled four pairs of conjoined twins! i.e. the turtles were conjoined by chocolate (not caramel that doesn’t count), and I thought it was cute, it made me smile and then think about the lucky customer who is going to get a surprise when they open up their package of treats.--Little things like that.

I haven’t been writing, sad but true. I’ve been swamped with the work, looking for a college and summer school work(I'm not n summer school just the work I have to do over the summer for school in the fall). In fact I haven’t been on the blogsphere at all. Except to post about a few contests and some awesome news involving my friends. On a side note/something that is actually very related--Weronika, whom I met at the Backspace Conference, became and agent and I should have devoted a full post to that but I didn’t. So here is the link to her blog, and to her announcement post {which details what queries she is accepting, where she is now employed (D4EO Literary Agency) etc}. Also she already has three clients! So here’s a big, very overdue, CONGRATULATIONS to Weronika!!!!!!!

On top of not-writing, I haven’t been working on the betas I agreed to do. So girls, you know who you are, I’m working on them each a little each night I’m trying and I’m so sorry that I haven’t been more efficient with all of this.

But, back to the reason I started this post, I wanted to do this post to remind people to enjoy the little things, like finding a stray piece of chocolate in your freezer that you didn’t remember was there, finding a book on store shelves days before it is supposed to be on them, accidentally bumping into someone who you rarely see but care about, putting conjoined caramel pecan turtles into a customers package, finding a hard cover first edition Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in pristine condition (yes that happened to me at a Salvation Army a few days ago, yes I bought it, and squeed/jumped up and down.), sitting down just writing and loving every word that ends up on the page, and sneaking a kiss in a school supply closet (no I do not know form experience, I’m just saying). So I’m off to bedazzle a baseball hat for my cousins fiancée who is having her bachelorette party (well not exactly a bachelorette party, it’s more of a Jack&Jill kinda thing), hosted by my family, this weekend. Another thing that will be taking up my time tonight. It's going to look SO good.

Oh and Frankie, I am going to do a post about my signed Linger copy, once I finish it and can completely squee and flail over it properly. Promises!!

Meanwhile I’m looking forwards to the party, after all you have to enjoy the little things.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Michelle has a Giveaway!!

Michelle Hodkin, whom I met at the Backspace Conference in NYC, is having an amazing giveaway over at her blog! She’s giving away four ARCs, all of which have the blogsphere buzzing. I am Number Four by Pittacus Lore, is one of them even though it is already out--because she couldn’t part with it before now, but the other three have yet to be released. And they are Matched by Ally Condie (I want to get my hands on it so bad!!), Low Red Moon by Ivy Devlin, and Dust by Joan Frances Turner. I advise you head over there now, quick before it ends!! And participate because well these are some pretty awesome ARCs right here…so go!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

We Take a Break, for an Info Splurge.

So, I know everyone is busy with WriteOnCon today, and I'm busy with finishing typing up stuff for Mariah, but I did take a tiny break to do my intro post on my critique groups new blog.

The Ink Slingers

And well I think you should stop by and check it out/follow it (kidding that second part is totally optional) because I have an awesome group of friends/partners who are just amazing. Now I'm off to finish my project for Mariah, and when that's done check out what went down at the conference today.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Share the Love/Lots of Squee

So my friend K.M., whom I adore and talk about ALL the time, just got an agent and is now represented by Sarah LaPolla, at Curtis Brown LTD.

Now in celebration I think you should all go over and congratulate her and spread the love, squee, and just read her story.

I'm off to continue the freak out, and well spread the love. Because I brag about all my writer friends who have agents (it's a big thing,)--well honestly I brag about all my writer friends because I admire all of you, agented and not, because this is a hard business. And sometimes I don't think we give ourselves enough credit, so I think we need to give it to each other.

So K.M. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! You deserve it, by far, I hope you enjoy the agented bliss you're experiencing now!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Trying to Contain the Squee

Uh this made my day, like I can go cry from joy now. And I just might. A tiny portion of my young life is now complete. It is sad, yes, but I don't care.

I write like
J. K. Rowling

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I haven't posted in over a month.

Also Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows aka one of my reasons for BREATHING. Came out three years ago today. When I read that 1) I started to cry 2) I had a freak out, I'm old! 3) I started to cry harder.

And Gina, a fellow teen author! Gave me this lovely award! I am very honored, and thankful that she chose me to give the award to!

Here are the rules:

1. Post the award on your blog
2. Link the person who has given you the award
3. Pass the award to other 15 blogs you've discovered
4. Let these 15 people know that you've given them an award

So I'm going to list fifteen blogs, in no particular order, que some sort of music or noise or something.

SeeSaraWrite (Sara)
Midnight Meditation (Renee)
Constantly Risking Absurdity (Mariah)
Somethings I Think...(K.M.)
Frankie Writes (Frankie)
Jade Hears Voices (Jade)
Words, Etc. (Kat)
Eternal Moonshine of a Daydreaming Mind (Karen)
Little Pieces of Me (Isuet)
Jill Wheeler (Jill)
See Heather Write (Heather)
Ramblings of a Wannabe Scribe (Shannon)
Her Write of Passage (Sherrinda)
Weronika Janczuk (Weronika)
A Life of a Perpetual Awkward (Kathryn)

1,2,3,4...15 Okay, so I love all your blogs!

And now I have to go beta and then write for a little bit. If you're wondering why I'm up so late it's because I slept for 17 house last night. And I went to bed early so I wont be going to sleep any time soon, even though I want to go to bed.

So yep. Oh but first off to tell everyone I gave this award to that they earned it!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Why I Love Summer

School is over! Whoot! Summer here I come, and I decided to do a post about why I love it as much as I do. Not just for the writing related reasons there are other factors too. Here is my list:

*All-nighters. Seriously once school is over and done with I don’t have to be up at six a.m. every day, thus I can hop myself up on chocolate and coffee and chamomile tea and not have to worry (8o% of the time) about being completely mentally present in the morning, or afternoon whenever I get up. Lots of writing gets done during the wee hours of the night-ah summer is amazing.

*Boys. Let’s not be shy right here: I’m a teen girl, and during the summer lots and lots of boys walk around topless. I spend weekends down at a beautiful beach shore with my grandmother, and there are lots of topless, tan, sailor boys. It is very, very nice to sit around and watch. Or play a boys vs. girls game (it’s to see who can get all members of the opposite gender into the water first) on the raft with them, in the middle of the ocean. Think about it.

*No school work. Frankly spending my time wrapped up in lots and lots of school work is not how I like to spend my days especially because I just bombed two finals (no effect on my final grade, but just panic attack induced amnesia. Yes I’m serious, and yes I did cry about it. It wasn’t pretty). So though I have to find a job, (I’m working on it, no car+small town=limited opportunities. It’s going to happen though,) I still don’t have to write ten page papers or perform a French oral exam on a whim.

*I don’t have to deal with obnoxious teenagers for elongated periods of time. Of course this sounds really pretentious, I know; especially because I am a teen and my target readers are teenagers—but I am more mature than most of my classmates. Sometimes it seems like eons ahead of them maturity wise. So I do not appreciate sitting in a class where kids are going off about what stupid things they did last night, or what pictures got posted on the web. Not for me, I’d rather have a political conversation with an adult, or discuss and recite Shakespeare, yes I am that much of a nerd, if there was any speculation about that let’s dispel it right now. For example I can recite the Tomorrow [Macbeth] speech off the top of my head. Thus spending A LOT of time with some of my peers is less than enjoyable. Don’t get me wrong gossip is great but there are just some things about my classmates that drive me nuts.

*Summer flings— if I’m the one having the summer fling (haha, not happening) or if one of my friends is or one of the classmates mentioned above, they are always fun to hear about. The ups the downs, the chemistry. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart so stories that are chock full of passion are enthralling, whoever you are. So yes I appreciate the intoxicating environment that is summer, and the passionate flings it nurtures. It is fun to watch.

*People watching. I love people watching and summer is one of the best environments for it because you can loiter basically wherever—bookstores, beach, museum, stores, cafés, you name it in summer it’s less noticeable if you’re hanging around there. Of course this can be disputed— but I believe that the hustle and bustle of a hot steamy summer with everyone coming and going is a better web of distractions than any other time of the year especially the slow cool flow of winter. People stick in one place for a long time and therefore notice if you’re sticking around and watching them. Thus summer is an ideal environment to watch people all the time, because it seems like everyone is going somewhere else.

*Boys, did I mention boys? If not they need more recognition. Hot, tan, toned, shirtless, swimmers, sailors, bikers, off-season hockey players (<-they’re my favorite, hehe). Boys.

*Reading. I have so much more time to read, no papers, no assignments, and like stated above all-nighters. Do you know how many books I can read straight through in twenty-four beautiful hours? Over five it is SO nice.

*Time to go to my gym. I have a membership and during the school year don’t get there enough as I’d like to, but during the summer if I want I can bike there(nice exercise) and then enjoy a work out and bike home(more exercise) I could even get there twice a day if I’d like. Hey a non-sports player has to keep healthy somehow.

*The beach, this should speak for itself.

*I can lock myself down in my internet-less basement and stay there for hours undistracted by all the shiny blogs, tools and games on the internet. And just write.

*Summer softball. My baby sister, Shorty, plays summer ball. And three years ago we had the BEST team; I loved all the girls and couldn’t wait to go to their games. We traveled all over the state (in car reading time bangin’). We got all the way to finals, three inning overtime and lost by one. It was painful. But it was awesome, so amazing. The next year because of the age divisions our team was spilt up but this year, with the exception of a few new additions the team is basically the same and I am PUMPED. We already won our first game 4-0. I love, love, love watching my baby sister play, love watching the joy it brings her. Especially because I’m friends with a bunch of the girls and it’s like magic. Softball may be my second favorite sport, the first being hockey (see above second boy comment).

*Being a beta. I love getting to help people and during the year its hard and I can’t always be timely, but over the summer, I can beta till my heats content.

*Sleep. When I’m not reading or writing or working. Sleep, lots and lots of beautiful sleep.

*Marathons, lots and lots of TV marathons, catching up on everything I missed. Leverage, I love you.

*Friends probably one of the best things ever, the biggest perk of summer. Spending time with and appreciating the people who you love like family and who always have your back. I love my friends.

And that is why I love summer. Especially for the boys, hehe.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


This is a quickie post because I've got to "focus" on finals tomorrow and Tuesday. Then I'll get back into the blogsphere, commenting and bouncing around, you have no idea how much I'm looking forwards to the return. I also have to get my novel finished and to one of my betas by Thursday because she's leaving next week and we wont see each other, I really value what she has to say so that means this novel needs to get done, now. So that is what my real focus is going to be. Shh...don't tell my parents.

Uh other than that, head over to my sidebar to check out the contests and giveaways that are going on to occupy yourself for the next five days when I'm not here, *sigh* I'm going to miss fluttering around the blogsphere even if it's only for a few days.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Belated Beach Scene Blogfest!

So I signed up for the beach scene blogfest, which was on Saturday, but I had SATs so it slipped my mind and then I spent yesterday cleaning. Ick. So here is my contribution to the fest, very very late. Also if you read my dream scene contribution it has since been quite revamped (just like I said I would). So pop on down to read it if you want.

Back story: my two MCs Demetri and Zoie, are finishing up a mini self appointed vacation (aka these seniors are skipping school, not that big a deal), Demetri took Zoie down to say goodbye to her friend Noah who was dying from terminal cancer. They are on their way back home now and she wanted to stop at the beach. Truth be told it's not a bright happy beach scene it just happens to be on a beach. I digress...

This is part of a WIP I'm currently toying with right now, it's going to be my main focus next year at school for my Independant Study (I'm getting credit to write a novel how sweet is that? It makes putting up with school a little easier.) So you won't be hearing much more about this for awhile. But those of you who have been following me for awhile will recognize that the characters are the same ones from my PG love scene post, this is before he finds out she's sick. Just a BTW moment.

As always feedback is appreciated, don't hold back. I hope you enjoy.


Demetri pulled into the parking lot, glancing at Zoie, her black hair was splayed across her face, a smile spread across her sleeping lips. It was the first time in days she’d looked peaceful while she slept. He was tempted not to wake her, to just keep driving and bring her home, but this was what she wanted. So he reached over, running his fingers up and down her shoulder.

“Zo,” she didn’t respond. “Zoie we’re here.”

“Mmm…” she turned away from him; eyes still closed as she curled up against the window.

“Come on Zo you’re the one who wanted to come here. You’ve been sleeping the entire ride, and you slept for fifteen hours last night. Get your ass up.” He tugged on her sleeve but she didn’t move. So he leaned forwards turned on the radio and cranked it up.

She screamed, jumping as the pounding music rocked the car.

“Turn it down!” she yelped hands to her ears.

“That got your attention,” he turned the radio off, laughing. “Come on it looks like it’s going to rain. Can we just go? The beach is no fun if it’s cold.” Zoie lowered her hands, turning to look out the window. Grey clouds spotted the dark sky casting a misty glow across the beach.

“No we can’t go. It’s not raining yet, and I want to make the most of our last day off. Don’t be such a killjoy.” she flashed a smile in his direction; all exhaustion banished from her eyes for a brief moment. Before she popped open the door. He watched as she sprinted across the dark sand, casting off her shoes as she went, stopping at the edge of the water, spinning around her hands in the air, musical laughter dancing around her.

Zoie grinned pulling her shoes off as she rushed forward onto the cool, white speckled sand. It seeped between her toes, its gritty, yet soft, texture exfoliating her feet, reminding her of simpler days. She laughed twirling around in the sand, letting the sea wind brush against her face like an old friend, close and cool. Today was a good day, the bright lights were only dancing in front of her eyes a little, and she’d doubled her dose of medicine that morning, just like the doctor had instructed, so the day could be even better. It made her very sleepy but it was worth it.

At first the glowing orbs flashed in and out, but when she stopped spinning to gaze out at the ocean they dissipated from her vision. For the first time in awhile the image was clear and crisp. She could see everything her vision untainted by spots and speckles. The beautiful water threw itself up against the shore receding as quickly as it had approached the damp sand. It collected in tiny tide pools. Little individual universes content to go on living unaware and, so far, undisturbed by the giant universe around them. She glanced back at Demetri who was making his way across the shore to her.

“Could you hurry up?”

“I’m coming I’m coming.” He tugged his sweatshirt closer around himself marching over to her.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” she whispered, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear as she gazed out at the stormy horizon line.

“It’s grey, and cold.” He said looking at her from the corner of his eye. He could see she was shivering, though she tried to conceal the tremors by holding her arms tightly to her chest. This wasn’t the first time he noticed that she couldn’t seem to stay warm, despite the layers of clothes she was wearing. He took off his sweatshirt and draped it around her shoulders, just to add a little more warmth.

“It is not that cold; stop being so negative.”

“You’re shivering your butt off,” he said watching as she took a few steps closer to the edge of the water.

“Zo, the water is going to be freezing,” he tried to feign his exasperation but the truth was this was the most energetic he’d seen her since before Noah’s funeral. It was nice to know she was going to be alright. She had been worrying him a lot recently.

“I know silly, but I can still dip my feet in.” she walked closer to the edge, her pale toes almost glowing in contrast to the water as she neared its darkened edge. She slipped her feet in the water and a smile spread across her face, her teeth started to chatter, but she didn’t move.

It was refreshing, a little cold but nothing she couldn’t handle. Zoie stood there, arms outstretched letting the gentle sea breeze brush around her hair, wind up her nostrils. For once she didn’t feel sick. It was nice to pretend, if only for a moment, to be a normal, healthy, high school kid skipping a couple days. Except she wasn’t normal, and she wasn’t healthy.

She stood there for what felt like just a few seconds, but her body wasn’t responding well to the cold. She started to shake harder than before, but she wasn’t going to let it ruin her excursion. It would be the last time she got to feel the oceans cool water and she wanted to cherish it as best she could.

“Zo,” Demetri reached out to her, “we’ve got to go. You’re going to get sick if you keep standing in the water like that. Come on.” She looked back at him, tears in her eyes as she stepped out of the soft waves. Because standing there, catching a cold wouldn't change anything she was going to die anyways.


Like the dream scene I'm not sure if I like it or changes will eventually be made, but right now it's late and I've got to get to bed. I may add or subtract tomorrow, I haven't read it through all the way yet, I have no doubt that I'll wake up and make a bazillion changes.

Anywho happy blogging and stop by to check out the rest of the fest.

Hehe that rhymed.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Dream Blogfest!!!!!!!

Okay so here is my late post for the Dream scene blogfest. Background, this is more of a flashback/PTSD moment for Darren from He's With Me. So here we go, comments as always are appreciated. Don't hold back, I can take it. Oh an also though it sounds improbable I've done research and his injuries are plausible and his actions are possible. You've got to read the rest of it to understand, but basically he was in shock, thus he was able to do what he did. Also this takes place over a span of a few minutes, just so you know.

Oh and I'm not sure how I feel about it because I just wrote it today, so tomorrow there may have been some changes made, once I've slept on it.

And now we dream:


It always started the same. The morning light poured through the bus windows, bouncing off the metal walls creating a glare in everyone’s eyes.

No one knew what was about to happen.

The stench of hockey gear hung in the air, so they'd cracked all the windows, and blasted the heat trying to counter the winter’s chill as it climbed in through the open spaces.

Darren knew something was wrong, but he couldn't put a finger on what it was. Something was going to happen, he could feel it, but why couldn't he remember?

And then, just like always, it was bright; so very, very bright.


It happened in an instant, flying through the air, spinning being tossed around. Then the movement stopped and he landed hard.

All he could see was red. Blood flowed over his fingers, clinging to his skin and sticking in the cuticles of his nails. An aching pain started to spread through him originating at his knees before reverberating off every bone in his body. He shook from agony, and reached up to wipe the blood from his face, but his hand fell short and he didn’t know why. He glanced down to see why. His left hand was completely gone, his arm cut off at the elbow. Only one of his legs was intact; the other, his right leg, was a bloody mess, his femur had sliced through his skin and was facing away from him, ripping through his shorts. His stomach rolled and the world spun around him, tears of horror filled his eyes- he was going to be sick.

He looked up then, anything to distract him to push the nausea away, his frightened green eyes darting around for the first time. It looked like the bus had been split in half; broken glass lay everywhere and the back of the bus had been completely obliterated the metal torn to shreds. Seats were thrown every which way, strewn across the pavement where he lay; a violent road burn crept across every inch of his exposed skin, scarring his body. He was outside the yellow metal of the bus, but so were row upon row of destroyed seats. Bodies were sticking up across the asphalt field of death at odd angles.

Some were moving, some weren't.

Darren screamed. His voice lost, smothered by the other boys moans. Just as soon as he opened his mouth he closed it, resigning himself to silence, there was no use in screaming. His voice was just one of many blending into wails of agony.

The pain started to dull, a light airy feeling passing over him, and he started to panic. He could feel his own heartbeat escalating feel as it jumped into his throat and caused his breaths to come in shallow gasps. He was fifteen he couldn’t die; not now not yet. He was just fifteen! His body screamed at him to focus, to think of something, anything to stay lucid…

Then he remembered.

It was happening again, how could it be happening again?


Where was Liam? He scrambled forwards, using his intact hand to propel himself across the scattered leather remnants of the bus seats, into the aisle. A piece of bus teetered above him, the leg of an overturned seat. It fell. There was a crack as it landed on his back, spasms of pain spread from the point of impact across his side wrapping themselves around his chest cavity and squeezing. A grunt of pain escaped his lips but it would take too much energy to cry out, energy he didn’t have. He couldn’t even call out to Liam worried he’d pass out from the strain. Everyone else had the energy, somehow; he could hear their shouts for help, screams for their mothers.

He reached out to where his best friend had been, shoving the chair leg away with his good hand before pulling himself around the bend. And there was Liam, lying in a pool of blood, twitching tiny moans escaping his lips. Using what was left of his strength, he propelled himself forwards as best he could, landing next to Liam with a thud, the pain in his chest growing tighter. He couldn't breath.

“Dar-ren…” his name was broken; Liam choked it out struggling to catch his breath. Darren saw it then, the blood pouring from his best friend throat. A cut an inch wide was pulsing in tune with Liam’s pounding heart as it let his life force drain out of him. Immediately Darren reached over, his hand clutching at the gash firmly trying with all his might to hold it closed. But the world was blurring, the numbness spreading, he couldn't feel his chest anymore and he’d almost forgotten his leg was being held in place by a thread, could only remember his hand wasn’t there because he couldn’t use it.

“Darren…” Liam gasped “don’t…let go, please…and tell Leah…” he coughed, blood spotting the corners of his mouth, dyeing his teeth red.

“I’m sorry.” Liam coughed again, blood spattering across Darren’s face. Darren nodded, just once. The world blurred, the screams faded, his grasp loosened and the blood was free to flow.

Darren was standing over his own body now, watching as his hand let go, and Liam's eye rolled back into his head. He just stood there, watching as he let his friend die, as he gave into the numbness, listening to the sirens as they penetrated the dying moans of the other boys. The other voices became faint, and the edges of the world began to dull, Liam inhaled once, and then was gone. And Darren just lay there, unmoving.

“Liam!” Darren awoke screaming, his hands shaking like they had when he’d let go of Liam’s wound. He threw his covers off, glancing down at his legs at the large white scar that stretched up his right thigh, a constant reminder. His left hand shook slightly with the memory of its ultimate failure. His right hand hadn’t been strong enough to hold the wound closed, if his left hand had been there then maybe Liam wouldn’t have died. The scar around his elbow cast off the same ashen glow as the one on his thigh. The scars were composed of thick bumps and dips that wound across his skin in intricate designs, like large pieces of rope holding him together; permanent fixtures on his body. He'd gotten his arm reattached, or replanted as the doctors said. It had been what his step mother called a miracle. Not enough of a miracle though because Liam hadn't been so lucky.

The scars would never let him forget that he’d let his best friend die.


And the verdict is?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Well I'm Almost Done

This title has a lot of double meanings, first off I'm ALMOST done with school, I have one full week left and then two weeks of exams (because I'm moving them all around so I get them done with and out of the way). Second I'm almost done-with He's With Me, after the Backspace Conference, exactly a week ago today I've got to go through one more time and make a bunch of changes (all the feedback was amazing!) and then I'll send it out to betas. Third I'm almost done with SATs, I'm taking them for the second(and hopefully final) time this weekend, lets all keep our fingers crossed I break over 2000 points.

Also I feel it is my duty to inform you of the awesome contest Michelle Hodkin is hosting in celebration of her agent signing and then her book auction(yes you read that right book AUCTION) and of course subsequent book deal! She is giving away a bunch of ARCs that she got from the BEA, and I think you need to head over and put yourself into the running. Because it is too good to pass up! Link go now.

I actually was lucky enough to get to meet Michelle, a week ago, at the Backspace conference! She was really perky and sweet and kept calling Weronika and I "prodigy's" which was a little embarrassing and unsettling because I am far from being a prodigy (Weronika I'm not so sure she's got ambition, and talent, and is doing a thousand different writing things all at once all the time! I wish I had just an ounce of some of her drive that keeps her going! You should head over to her blog to, because she is awesome). I got to meet Weronika too and we had breakfast and lunch together a couple times, it was great having someone so close to my age there because I didn't feel alone. Of course the first time I went Sara was there to keep me company, and we've kept in contact ever since!

But I had a great time getting to meet everyone and I learned SO much. So much in fact I'm jumping at the bit to be done with school so I can buckle down hard and get cracking on what I need to do. (Like get a job, shh don't tell my parents but personally I want writing to come first! insert obnoxious whine here However I am aware bills do no pay themselves and cheap college is not). I actually decided not to take gym over the summer (Oh so sad, no gym) because it'll give me two more hours in the morning to write(or sleep) before going off to that job I've got to earn. I'm going to do it, what exactly it is at the moment I'm not sure. Because it can change on a day to day basis in a second, but I'm "shooting for the moon so even if I miss I'll land among the stars"- (a play on the quote above the board in my math room.) I'm going to succeed.

All in all (to get back on topic) these girls awesome and you should go follow them(Weronika and Michelle!), and apply for Michelle's contest because she is pretty cool. I'm mean she's an animal attorney, I love animals but am not sure I'd be able to go through an extra three years of school for law. Props to you Michelle. And Weronika is moving to NYC in the fall, anyone who knows me understands that I really don't like the city so she is extra brave in my book, that and she's written eight novels which is so intense and inspiring! Her current WIP Where The Doves Fly, (well I've only read the first two pages but they were a riveting, heart pounding two pages) is something I've never read before- it's got a unique voice and an enthralling topic.

I've got to go write now, because I've got this college essay I'm supposed to be working on...and I'm not.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Pictures, Pictures!!This is my BEAUTIFUL corsage that basically was the start to an AMAZING evening. My prom date, who is dating one of my friends now (it's cool I don't mind at all they're cute together and she's a great girl,) according to his mother was determined to get my corsage to match. And it did, it matched my dress PERFECTLY. Also at the time he was unaware that the flowers he picked are my favorite. I informed him later just so he'd know how perfect it really was and that I wasn't just saying that. I'm preserving it, that's how amazing it is.

Also I know that the date in the corners is wrong, but the camera was never set. And it's so very old. But these pictures are from this past weekend rest assured.

Now onto another picture--his eyes are closed so I may post another later, but I like this pic I think except for the closed eyes it's a good one!
Next an open eyed picture, up close. A woman from my mothers gym came over and took over my hair, I fell asleep on it because I got home SO late and in the morning I woke up and it hadn't moved! Then when she was done, well she asked to do my makeup too, and I let her. She put sparkles in my hair, there are some still there even though I've washed it more than once--a couple of times in the sink. But another friend took this picture.

All in all I had a great time. A better one than he did, I think, but an amazing one none the less. There is only one thing I'd change--this one encounter with a girl I do not like so much don't worry nothing bad happened she was just a rude bitch, that's all, and what I would have done is just confront her. I took it all in, I danced like no one was watching and just lived. It was so much fun! Thank you again to everyone who encouraged me. Thank you so much.

I'm never going to forget it.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Well, Thank You

Hey so I participated in the hook line blogfest yesterday and my post messed up the settings on my blog, so I had to delete it but don't worry I saved all the comments and criticisms, and are using them to perfect my hook lines. They were all way too long. I just wanted to thank everyone who commented and will hopefully find the time to get to look at all the other participants lines. So Thank you so much to everyone who helped me. I really appreciated all the comments.

Also prom pictures will be posted soon, once I figure out my blasted camera again!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Success! I have triumphed over my camera!

So the title kind of says it all, since last Thursday I have been at my wits end with my camera. I couldn't find my USB cord, my computer didn't recognize the USB file, I get the pictures half loaded and the battery dies, I can't find the battery charger, I find the wrong battery charger and wait an hour for it to charge, it doesn't. Next I take out the chip-thingamajig and insert it into the computer(like I'm supposed to), computer wont recognize the file! I find the right battery charger, the battery wont charge. So I attempted the whole chip-thingamajig, that has a proper name which I cannot remember at this time, and it worked! o way late, but better late than never I think my post about K.M.'s rockin' gift basket!

Literally it was a basket! And I'll share something with you right now, I have a thing for baskets and boxes. Seriously it must be an illness of some sort because EVERY time I set foot into a store that sells those cute fancy boxes I have to restrain myself from buying one. And I just like keeping baskets around you get to carry things in them.Ca you tell I'm fried from AP tests and my ten page paper I still haven't finished, oh and the paper I wrote a post about a while back that ended up being a month and two days late and isn't losing any credit?!? (I'm as stunned as you are trust me). A little fried. I'm stopping now onto the better part of this post!!!!!!!

So K.M. had this amazing contest to earn new followers, if you haven't been around my blog for a while then you wouldn't know that I was really bossy and demanding and wanted everyone to go over and follow her to because K.M. has really helped me. I ended up winning the beautiful prize pack it was chock full of all this great writer-ly stuff that made me giggle inside because I just thought it was SO nicely put together and i made me feel ubber professional, and being only 17 that feeling was just well warm and fuzzy is the best way to describe it. Here are the pictures!!!!!!!

These are of me OPENING the gift, yes my clothe look ratty, I was sleeping when the package came, don't judge.

So those are of me opening the gift, there are a couple more, but I look really bad in all of them so enough pictures of me onto the goodies!Isn't it just beautifully packaged? I don't know about anyone else but when I can see someone spent time and energy packaging something so it looks pretty I always feel really guilty when I have to tear it open. *tear*...but the brutal, and yes it was brutal, murder of this package was totally acceptable because look what was inside!!!!!!!
I got two books, If I Stay(which I've been wanting to read SO bad but I never got the chance to pick up a copy) and Writing Great Books for Young Adults, this was supposed to be a copy of The Dairy Queen but I already owned that one so K.M. was nice enough to give me a different one instead. I got a notepad, and an "Inspire" notebook with retractable pen(that have already been put to good use). I got a mug, it's a bunch of pretty colors, which I used today while consuming ice cream for lunch(school got out early and I was hungry don't judge). it was my ice cream vessel, I love it! I also got, jellybeans, an assortment of dark chocolates, sticky notes highlighters, every writers dream. It was just amazing. So thank you again K.M. thank you so much!

I could go on forever, about everything in my beautiful basket, but I stick by what I said before this gift was even more amazing because it gave me that professional feeling, one that I strive for but don't always reach because of my age. Not everyone takes you seriously when they ask you what you want to do with your life and you say "become a published author" and you're under the age of eighteen.

So thank you again K.M. so much, for everything. Oh and there will be more pictures this weekend, can you say PROM?!!!!!!!


Friday, May 14, 2010


I'm a little exasperated because I have been trying, for over and hour, to get my computer to load the pictures from K.M.'s gift basket, and cannot seem to get it to cooperate. I'd ask my dad to fix it but he's busy, so I have to wait another day before I get it all posted. I'm sorry this is taking forever! Hence the UGH in my post title. This will get done tomorrow if I have to abuse my computer to death.

Also, side note, I just found a website that like has made my life (okay not literally but you know what I mean) seriously, my life is now a little bit closer to being complete. Here's the link.

Click it. Click it.

Now that I've distracted you...

P.S. HP owns.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


I've been sick recently and over the weekend my family celebrated not only mothers day but two birthdays. I've been busy. I've got a nice big AP exam tomorrow. I wanted to do a post about the AWESOME gift package I got in the mail last week from K.M. after I won her awesome contest. In fact I told her I was going to do a post the day after I received it, but illness, celebrations and drama got in the way. I've got to go study, so the post will have to wait until later this week even though I want to write it right now. This is just a filler to assure K.M. that I'm going to do the post but unseen issues have gotten in the way. So tomorrow or Thursday there will be a post about the awesome gift basket I got from her. Until then I'm off to deal with drama, and try to study.

High school sucks.

If you didn't already know.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


So has anyone ever had to write an essay for school, one that is so seemingly pointless, one that is such a waste of your time, such a useless thing to splurge your energy on, that you want to yank your hair out?

Well I'm in the midst of writing that kind of essay right now. It's driving me bonkers. It was due a few weeks ago, haven't written it yet, and I feel no urge to force myself to write it. None whatsoever. I'm really lucky it isn't being considered late, but I still don't want to write it. I just don't. I want to work on my WIP(s). And watch bad TV and not do school work.

I think this attitude has come about because it's been so nice here recently. Today for example I got a sunburn! Not pleasant but it made it feel like summer, really like summer. I wanted to find my way down to the beach, get into a row boat, row out into the bay and lay down in the bottom of the boat to watch the clouds pass by. Not write an essay.

So I've got to go do that right now, finish this essay using "ethos, pathos and logos" whooo...

But before I go I would like to inform you that my short story post will be gone in a few minutes because I can't stand it and it needs to go.

I also wanted to say thank you to K.M. and anyone who credited me in her contest. I won! Which doesn't normally happen, so thank you K.M. for being such a good friend, for encouraging me and for holding a bangin' contest. Thank you! ^__^ And just for the record I still think you all should head on over to her blog and follow her, because she's awesome!

Ethos, logos, and pathos, here I come...

Friday, April 30, 2010

You've Missed It

Okay you guys, K.M. was having an awesome contest to earn 50 followers. And she is ONE away from that goal, I ask you to head over NOW and become a follower. She's awesome and deserves fifty followers, the contest is over but that doesn't mean you can't stalk-- I mean avidly follow her anyways. Go. Now. And I don't mean to be pushy or bossy, so-Thank you.

Also please do not judge my writing on the post bellow it will be edited and revamped in no time because I hate that short story. I'm okay at them but not great so once I go and get my crit. groups stories read I'm going back and attacking mine. Violently. Then maybe I'll like it more. But that's a maybe the post may disappear all together.

So the title is because you missed the contest and if in the next three hours you haven't read the post below you've missed that too.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


Hey critique partners (Bethany, Emery, Aaron and Ella) guess what I was just about to do? Email you all one big fat apology for forgetting to post my short story. I thought I was supposed to have it done today. But then I realized it wasn't due until next week. Freak out and frenzied writing averted!

I'm really busy right now, WRITING (shocker I know!), but I wanted to pop in and have a quick post. First order of business, to inform you that I'm writing, check. Second order of business, to thank you for all your lovely comments on my last post. Thanks you guys are awesome. Check.

And third. Have you gotten your butt over to K.M.'s blog yet? If not you need to head over there now. Like right now, I'm not kidding. K.M. is having this awesome contest, and if you are too lazy to click this link then look on over at my sidebar, it's posted there. She wants to get to fifty followers, I think you should head on over, and join the contest and follow her. She is spunky and fun and was very helpful regarding my choice about prom. (Thanks times infinity K.M.!!!!!!!) So overall she is just awesome. With her contest drawing to a close in a few days I feel it is my DUTY to inform you that you need to head over there and join now. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Here's the link again in case you're lazy like me. ^___^ (That was a smiley face but looking at it now it looks a bit distorted, so let me try again ^____^ )

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


As my critique partners (who are so FREAKING awesome!) go through my chapters and tell me what rocks and what sucks I've been wondering. Do I really need to break up my novel into chapters? I've read plenty of books that are just broken up into sections by page breaks or what would apply in my case a word (before/after etc). This thought came about as I was looking at my novel (which has a needs to be finished/prepped date in less than 50 days not that I'm counting) and the issues that have been causing me to have well...issues with my writing flow/process. Then it hit me.

The chapter breaks.

My story flow was designed to be Kali's story split in the way she sees it, before and after. Originally this split up chapter by chapter. But last Thursday I re-punched out what I have lovingly dubbed my "chapter 5" which had been a 'before' scene that I'd seriously been struggling with. (I'm going to say this right now, thank you outline that I spent hours on I owe you). And though it is only a page long I'm LOVING it. Aaron over at blogger girls (one of my AWESOME crit. partners mentioned above) told me it was her favorite chapter so far, which made me so very happy. Anywho I've decided on disregarding chapters for now, and just use page breaks (like this: *****) to separate everything oh and of course my before/after.

So that's it, I've got a trip coming up (can you say colleges?) and therefore my blogging hiatus will continue however before I leave tonight I'm going to pop over to as many blogs as I can and catch up with whats been going on.

Oh and I got a dress.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Oooo Contest!

So K.M. is having an awesome contest, a follower related contest! Hint hint.

I know I just posted not even an hour ago, my Time post is not all that important though. I'm just going to get down to it. I adore K.M.'s blog she is so cool, perceptive, helpful and encouraging(and I'm listing again*sigh*). I think you should head on over and follower her. Now. Her posts are inspiring and interesting, and she's trying to get 50 followers by the end of April. If you're feeling lazy, let me appeal to the want side of you, and by want side I mean the side of you that gets distracted by shiny fun things, like the basket in her contest. So go over and follow her, please tell her I sent you (because the basket is bangin') not just because I would like the prize and my followers becoming her followers = points. But because I have 51 followers and she deserves just as many if not more people devoting their time to her. So right now head on over and devote your time to her.

Right now. Here's the link, again.


Time and Time Again

So there are 56 days, counting today, until the Backspace Writers Conference in NYC. And my WIP is in serious need of polishing. That is what I'm going to be working on for the next few weeks, aka that is the only thing that is going to take up my time. Well aside from prom dress shopping that is.

But I was wondering how do you guys push through the slush. You know the feeling that you just can't work through, when you feel like your writing sucks or you don't know how to work past the current pesty block that makes you want to scream and yank your hair out (I've been tempted) so how do you work past it, time and time again?

That's it short and sweet, off to watch Bones (I so totally called the Sweets ending before it actually happened) and Greys Alex/Izzie one of my biggest ships and it's over. I almost cried. The only loss of a ship that could be worse would be Tony/Ziva, I think I'd have to cry myself to sleep. I love that pair.

Anywho, I did well enough on the SATs one of my friends got a 2060 I'm so jealous. But I got over a 1600 so that was good, it should make it easier to get into the few schools I've seriously looked at so far.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


So because of some events that are good (the "yeah" that literally made my week!) events and looming dates, I have to take a tiny break from blogging and focus on school. Again. I'm getting my SATs back soon, and will most likely be preparing to take them again in May. Grades close in the next month so I have to get them pulled up and polished. I also have to get a lot of writing/editing done if I'm ever going to finish my current WIP on time (seeing as I've already blown off one of my deadlines for it and changed something major in the plot) for the Backspace Conference in NYC that I'm going to *Turnsverypaleswayspercariously*. I'm nervous can you tell?

Okay now that I've taken a deep breath, to all this means that there will be a blog posting hiatus. I won't lie, I've fallen victim to not writing by posting or commenting because I feel less guilty for not writing, if I'm on here. I love posting and commenting it's addicting. So for the time being, though I'll still be reading blogs occasionally, I'll only be posting/commenting once a week. I think for now Mondays are going to be the sanctioned days for said posts/comments but I don't really know. It all depends what goes down.

This is just a temporary goodbye to the blogsphere. I'll miss you guys for the six days a week I'm not allowing myself on here, but I know that this is whats best for my writing, oh and school. Though really I'm more concerned about my writing. Bad Hayley, I know.

I'll be back soon *tear*. And you guys thanks for all the great comments on my fiftieth post and all the encouraging words involving my nerves. You're awesome.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

50 Questions!

So this is post number 50, celebrating 51 followers (thank you Lila!) and answering questions! And I decided to finally post a pic of myself so you guys can have a face with a name!


You sure.....


Here goes...

Sorry, the photo is kind of blurry cell phone camera, you know? Anywho I asked you guys what you wanted to know and here's what you asked.

K.M. wanted to know:

If time travel were a possibility, where would go in time and why? This is a loaded question. I wish my answer was sophisticated and more intelligent but it's not. It's actually a selfish answer. I would only want to go back in time to change things. Not just watch. There are two points in time where I would like to go, the first is back five years ago, I mean you guys have all heard my piece about that. Basically I would stop her from getting in that car. Even if tire slashing was required. The other place in time I'd go would be back ten years to stop little young seven year old me from ruining her friendship. I learned the outcome of that the hard way. I wish I'd learned it earlier on, with a friendship that meant less to me. But that didn't happen. I would go back in time and stop myself from making something that I consider to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I know changing those things would alter my life as it is now, because both have affected me a lot in the past few years. So if I could do all of this, I'd like to keep the knowledge I gained from these expiriences because they have been key in shaping who I've become. Frankly, if I couldn't I'd still change what happened anyways, because I would still love writing, I'd still want to get published, that wouldn't change. And that is what I think I couldn't live without. But I could be wrong, we'll never know.

Portia wanted to know:

When you're sick or feeling blue or just needing inspiration, what book do you reach for? The Harry Potter series. I know that's got to be cliché, but the first book was the first novel I ever read all by myself. And they inspired me to write, so whenever I'm feeling really down I always know that Harry, Ron and Hermione will be right there for me. So I always reach for HP it's safe.

VR asked:

What is your favorite thing you've written and why? Favorite thing I've ever written? That really is a hard one! I'd have to say it's the scene in He's With Me where Mitch dies. Morbid? Yes. But it's one of the scenes I'm the proudest of, and I wrote it as a short story so it has enough strength to stand alone outside the WIP.

Piedmont Writer asked:

If you were stranded on a desert island and could only take three books with you, what would they be? Not fair. Okay three books? HP 3 and 7. As stated above I'm especially attached to these books. As for book number three, this is a hard one, I wish my answer would be a little more sophisticated but it's not. I'd choose Perfect Chemistry because every time I read it I'm consumed with giggles and it's really romantic. I'm a hopeless romantic so you see the appeal here.

Kat asked:
Do you listen to music while writing? If so, what do you listen to? Yes, sometimes. And it depends what's on the radio, the TV what my iPod turns on. Mostly it's country, or sad music. I like sad music ballads and stuff, which I know sounds depressing but it's what I like.

And what made you decide to purse writing/publishing? What made me come to that decision? I love writing, and it just seemed like the natural course to take. I really don't know, I guess someone asked me about it one day and I just said "Yeah I'll get published eventually." And thus began my goal. When that happened, I don't really know, I've wanted to get published since I was in about fifth grade, so it must have happened sometime around then.

Lisa and Laura asked:
How do you find time to write and go to school? Are you as overbooked as the other 17-year-olds we know? And go to school? Psh, I write during class. My teachers think I'm the most diligent note taker. Kidding, kidding, well kind of. Honestly I'm a bad balancer. I don't really find the time, I'm learning I have to make it myself, it's really hard. I'm not overbooked per-se, I only participate in a couple clubs and I don't do sports, and sadly am currently unemployed. However I do occasionally get swamped with school work, and do have a little tiny issue with procrastination that I'm working on. So to answer the question in short, I have no idea.

Uh that's all I'm off to talk myself through these really tight nerves coiled in my lower stomach that are starting to make me hyperventilate with anxiety because I've decided to ask cute French class boy to prom, as friends, tomorrow (I was going to do it today but I didn't get the chance) and I'm nervous. I'm like twitching and almost crying and nauseous. I'm going to do it though. I am.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

50! Kind-of-ish

Now my blog title is very interesting, okay it's not really that interesting it's just a number but I was hoping it would grab a little attention. I mean words grab attention but numbers do too right? Okay honestly, a creative title eluded me so a number seemed fitting.

The reason for this post is, I have 50 followers! Whoot! This is really big for me, knowing fifty people who aren't linked to me through family are following me, caring at least a little about what I think otherwise why bother to click the little follow button right? Okay, so maybe I'm over thinking it a little,whatever! I have fifty followers *squee*!!!!!!!!!

So in celebration of my fifty followers, thank you Jen for being follower number 50, yes I did tear up and almost cry from happiness. I'm just so honored that fifty people actually take time to maybe sometimes look at my blog. But back to the in celebration part, seeing as I'm temporarily unemployed (working on the new years goals people working on it), so giveaways are out of the question right now all money is being put in the college or emergency sustenance fund. But I figured a questionnaire would be appropriate, no? I mean you guys invest your time in reading and commenting so the least I could do would be to answer any questions you had. Is that cool?

Yes, no? Because my fiftieth post is my next post and in celebration of fifty followers at fifty posts answering questions seems reasonable. So just leave whatever questions you have in the comments and we'll see if this works out. If not I'll have to wing it.

Oh and one more thing. Thank you guys for following me, I really am honored you do. ^-^

Monday, March 15, 2010

PG Love Scene

I'm totally jumping on the boat late for this, but in my defense I didn't hear about the PG Love Scene Blogfest until earlier tonight. I really wanted to do it and then had to figure out how. I'm definetly a fade to black kind of girl, so I decided to take a pair of my favorite characters and wing it. This may be a little cliché, please bear with me and everything. I'm sorry this is late, and really long, but I just had to participate!

So here goes...


Her bedroom was lit only by a bedside lamp; it cast dim shadows across the bed, and the walls. The reasonably sized space looked like it would belong to a twelve year old girl, not the seventeen year old one that lay curled in the bed. Her cropped black hair pooled out under her head like a sheet of ebony satin, her pale skin all but glowed in the darkness. She wasn't the normal size of a seventeen year old, years of internal struggle had reduced her to a small figure nestled in the covers of the bed, trembles ricocheting through her body.

A boy about her age was wide awake in an arm chair next to the bed. Sleep weighed down on his eyes and every few moments he shook his head, he didn’t want to fall asleep in case she needed him. He glanced at her, stretching as he moved in the chair that had, in the past few months, almost become a part of his body. His blue eyes focused on her through the darkness, he ran a hand through his hair. It hurt to watch her in pain, and she'd taken her meds that night. He stood up and looked away from her, hands on his head as he walked over to the cork board she’d hung on her wall years ago. He needed to stay awake.

The board was caught in darkness, the pictures looked faded in the half light. They occupied all the photos as children, one was of them dressed as bride and groom, from kindergarten when they’d pretended to get married. Her long black hair had been pulled back into a sloppy ponytail, with large wide doe brown eyes, the ring he’d given her had been too big and so they’d threaded it through with a piece of string and put it around her neck.

There was a picture of them, around age seven, with birthday cake smeared on their faces; they were sticking their tongues out at the camera grinning like little fools. Another picture was of them on the last day of sixth grade, the year she’d left. He was standing behind her arms around her waist, chin on her shoulder, both were grinning at the camera, happy. Her black hair hung freely, down to her waist, and his brown hair stood up in a hundred different directions. Even then he’d been so much taller than she was. They’d never known what was coming.

“Demetri!” his name was just a tiny whimper, but it sounded pained as though she was trying to scream, but couldn’t find the strength. He spun towards her, his heart thundering in his chest. She sat up her hands shaking as she gasped for air, he could see the tears as they poured from under her closed lids.

“Zo,” he was at her side before she could utter anything else. “Zoie, what’s wrong?” his fingers traced her face, carefully wiping away the tears with his coarse fingertips. Her bottom lip trembled, but she didn’t answer.

“Zo,” his voice was steady patient, she never liked taking more meds even if it was what she needed. He ran a hand through her hair, and then rubbed it in circles along her back.

“What’s wrong? What hurts? Do I need to call Alyssa and Luc?” she shook her head, taking a deep breath before she opened her big brown eyes. He climbed up into the bed next to her.

“No, I’m fine, don’t call them. They’re on a date. It’s a long needed break.” Her voice shook.

“Then what’s wrong.” He asked as she tucked her head into the crook of his neck, threading her arms around his waist, he pulled her close.

“It was a nightmare.” She cried, biting his shirt in an attempt to stop her tears. “You-you died.” He could almost see the sick humor in it, the irony, he didn’t laugh, though one threatened to bubble up inside him.

“Before me,” her words stopped the chuckle cold. He stroked her hair, placing her into his lap as he kissed her temple again and again.

“Demetri, I— I want to ask you something.”

“Shoot, Zo.” She leaned forwards pressing her warm lips to his ear. Her voice was surprisingly steady for what she was asking, but musical. He held her tight, his eyes widened as she spoke, and his heart jumping into his throat. Of course he wanted to, she was Zoie, his Zoie, but he couldn’t. Once she was done asking she looked at him from the top of her large eyes, he’d never said no to that look, and rested her head onto his chest again.

“You’re sick.” Demetri whispered as though it was an answer, stroking her hair as he cradled her against his chest. He'd said no to her once before, and he wasn't sure he could say it again.

“I know,” she replied, her lips pressed against the fabric of his t-shirt. “Brain tumors aren’t contagious though. It wouldn’t hurt you.”

“But it’ll hurt you.” Zoie pulled away from his chest to look at him, her deep brown eyes determined.

“I’m not afraid,” she pulled even further away from him, turning to look at the cork board running her hands through her short black hair. As she turned away from him he could just make out the seven blue dots at the base of her skull. He hated those damned spots, he thought they were cute because they were a part of her, but he hated them, hated what they meant to him, to her.

“Of course not. But we still aren’t—”

“I’m sick; it’s not a reason not to.” She muttered curling up next to him again.

“It’s all the reason not to.”

“I’m dying Demetri.” Her words stung, she’d said them before, he’d said them before but the way she was using them now. It hurt. He only wanted to make her happy to give her reason to keep fighting. Even though it was hopeless, every day he could feel her slipping away more and more.

“I know.” His voice caught and he kissed the top of her head fiercely as tears welled in his eyes.

“So I can’t do that.” He blinked the tears away as he said it.

“But you love me?”

“Always Zo, always.”

“Then do this for me. Please? While I can still see you, while I can still be aware, while I’m still alive. Please? I want this, I want you.” She sounded so defeated, and he had barely been able to refuse her before, and now he was emotionally drained and sleep deprived. How could he muster the ability to say no now? He wanted it just as much as she did, he just didn’t want it this way. He knew this would be the only chance they’d get; the only chance she'd get.

He wasn’t one to believe in miracles. Even though he wanted to.

He responded by reaching over and moving her bangs across her face. Tucked them behind her ear, and cupped her face in his hand, before bending his head down to kiss her. His lips were a little dry, but she didn't seem to mind kissing him back, her soft lips compressing against his with just as much hunger and force. She lifted his shirt over his head, as he unbuttoned her top.

When he was positioned over her, he mumbled words that sounded like “I don’t want to hurt you” “Tell me if I hurt you, I’ll stop”. But as he moved, she moved with him, when she cried out he talked her through it, kissed her harder and did whatever he could to keep her mind off whatever pain he was putting her through. His hands explored every curve of her body, and hers roamed freely over his chest and back. Pleasure pulsed through them, it was as though they'd finally become one. The connection that had pulled them together their entire lives was solidified, hosting two people as one. Everything felt right, for once.

After, she’d curled up next to him, her breathing steady a smile spread across her mouth, her bangs dampened with sweat. He reached up and brushed them off her brow, before putting his hand back behind his head.

“I love you.” she whispered, tucking her head into the crook of his arm. “Thank you, that was…perfect.”

“I love you so much Zo and I’m—”

“Do not apologize for giving me the most wonderful night ever.” She propped herself up on her arm, so she could look him in the eye.

“I don’t regret it, I’ll never regret it. Promise me you’ll never regret it too.”

“I promise Zoie. I’ll never regret it.” it was the truth; he had wanted it just as much as she had, though he felt guilty like they’d done it because she was sick. He wouldn’t regret the time he spent with her, ever.

“It was what I wanted.” She paused as she traced her fingers along his chest. “I’m going to miss your eyes.”

“I love you Zo.” His voice caught in his throat, he hated it when she talked like this. She bent down and kissed him.

“Just when— when I can’t see.” She took a deep breath, looking away from him as her fingers struggled to re-button her pajama blouse. He resisted the urge to help her, because he knew she'd be offended that he was treating her like a child after everything they'd just done.

“Don’t leave me.”

“That’s not fair. I’m never going to leave you, never. Please don’t talk like that.”

Zoie nodded, and tucked her head back into the crook of his arm. He could feel her shivering and pulled the blankets tighter around her, kissing her head, then her mouth, as she settled into his arms.

“I love you,” he whispered as she slipped into a deep sleep.

When Alyssa and Luc came home they found Zoie and Demetri cuddled together under Zoie’s covers. Alyssa smiled, reminded of the time when they had been children, best friends attached at the hip and everything had been so much simpler. She trusted them, knew that nothing beyond cuddling would occur, and besides Demetri had needed to get out of that godforsaken armchair and get some sleep. Alyssa tiptoed into the room and turned off her baby sister’s lamp.


And the verdict is? Hate it? Love it? Cliché? Please enlighten me!