Monday, June 7, 2010

Belated Beach Scene Blogfest!

So I signed up for the beach scene blogfest, which was on Saturday, but I had SATs so it slipped my mind and then I spent yesterday cleaning. Ick. So here is my contribution to the fest, very very late. Also if you read my dream scene contribution it has since been quite revamped (just like I said I would). So pop on down to read it if you want.

Back story: my two MCs Demetri and Zoie, are finishing up a mini self appointed vacation (aka these seniors are skipping school, not that big a deal), Demetri took Zoie down to say goodbye to her friend Noah who was dying from terminal cancer. They are on their way back home now and she wanted to stop at the beach. Truth be told it's not a bright happy beach scene it just happens to be on a beach. I digress...

This is part of a WIP I'm currently toying with right now, it's going to be my main focus next year at school for my Independant Study (I'm getting credit to write a novel how sweet is that? It makes putting up with school a little easier.) So you won't be hearing much more about this for awhile. But those of you who have been following me for awhile will recognize that the characters are the same ones from my PG love scene post, this is before he finds out she's sick. Just a BTW moment.

As always feedback is appreciated, don't hold back. I hope you enjoy.


Demetri pulled into the parking lot, glancing at Zoie, her black hair was splayed across her face, a smile spread across her sleeping lips. It was the first time in days she’d looked peaceful while she slept. He was tempted not to wake her, to just keep driving and bring her home, but this was what she wanted. So he reached over, running his fingers up and down her shoulder.

“Zo,” she didn’t respond. “Zoie we’re here.”

“Mmm…” she turned away from him; eyes still closed as she curled up against the window.

“Come on Zo you’re the one who wanted to come here. You’ve been sleeping the entire ride, and you slept for fifteen hours last night. Get your ass up.” He tugged on her sleeve but she didn’t move. So he leaned forwards turned on the radio and cranked it up.

She screamed, jumping as the pounding music rocked the car.

“Turn it down!” she yelped hands to her ears.

“That got your attention,” he turned the radio off, laughing. “Come on it looks like it’s going to rain. Can we just go? The beach is no fun if it’s cold.” Zoie lowered her hands, turning to look out the window. Grey clouds spotted the dark sky casting a misty glow across the beach.

“No we can’t go. It’s not raining yet, and I want to make the most of our last day off. Don’t be such a killjoy.” she flashed a smile in his direction; all exhaustion banished from her eyes for a brief moment. Before she popped open the door. He watched as she sprinted across the dark sand, casting off her shoes as she went, stopping at the edge of the water, spinning around her hands in the air, musical laughter dancing around her.

Zoie grinned pulling her shoes off as she rushed forward onto the cool, white speckled sand. It seeped between her toes, its gritty, yet soft, texture exfoliating her feet, reminding her of simpler days. She laughed twirling around in the sand, letting the sea wind brush against her face like an old friend, close and cool. Today was a good day, the bright lights were only dancing in front of her eyes a little, and she’d doubled her dose of medicine that morning, just like the doctor had instructed, so the day could be even better. It made her very sleepy but it was worth it.

At first the glowing orbs flashed in and out, but when she stopped spinning to gaze out at the ocean they dissipated from her vision. For the first time in awhile the image was clear and crisp. She could see everything her vision untainted by spots and speckles. The beautiful water threw itself up against the shore receding as quickly as it had approached the damp sand. It collected in tiny tide pools. Little individual universes content to go on living unaware and, so far, undisturbed by the giant universe around them. She glanced back at Demetri who was making his way across the shore to her.

“Could you hurry up?”

“I’m coming I’m coming.” He tugged his sweatshirt closer around himself marching over to her.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” she whispered, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear as she gazed out at the stormy horizon line.

“It’s grey, and cold.” He said looking at her from the corner of his eye. He could see she was shivering, though she tried to conceal the tremors by holding her arms tightly to her chest. This wasn’t the first time he noticed that she couldn’t seem to stay warm, despite the layers of clothes she was wearing. He took off his sweatshirt and draped it around her shoulders, just to add a little more warmth.

“It is not that cold; stop being so negative.”

“You’re shivering your butt off,” he said watching as she took a few steps closer to the edge of the water.

“Zo, the water is going to be freezing,” he tried to feign his exasperation but the truth was this was the most energetic he’d seen her since before Noah’s funeral. It was nice to know she was going to be alright. She had been worrying him a lot recently.

“I know silly, but I can still dip my feet in.” she walked closer to the edge, her pale toes almost glowing in contrast to the water as she neared its darkened edge. She slipped her feet in the water and a smile spread across her face, her teeth started to chatter, but she didn’t move.

It was refreshing, a little cold but nothing she couldn’t handle. Zoie stood there, arms outstretched letting the gentle sea breeze brush around her hair, wind up her nostrils. For once she didn’t feel sick. It was nice to pretend, if only for a moment, to be a normal, healthy, high school kid skipping a couple days. Except she wasn’t normal, and she wasn’t healthy.

She stood there for what felt like just a few seconds, but her body wasn’t responding well to the cold. She started to shake harder than before, but she wasn’t going to let it ruin her excursion. It would be the last time she got to feel the oceans cool water and she wanted to cherish it as best she could.

“Zo,” Demetri reached out to her, “we’ve got to go. You’re going to get sick if you keep standing in the water like that. Come on.” She looked back at him, tears in her eyes as she stepped out of the soft waves. Because standing there, catching a cold wouldn't change anything she was going to die anyways.


Like the dream scene I'm not sure if I like it or changes will eventually be made, but right now it's late and I've got to get to bed. I may add or subtract tomorrow, I haven't read it through all the way yet, I have no doubt that I'll wake up and make a bazillion changes.

Anywho happy blogging and stop by to check out the rest of the fest.

Hehe that rhymed.


Francine said...


Thanks for dropping by my contribution.

I like it. It's poignant, and the last sentence says it all. Obviously a tear-jerker on the cards!!


Hayley said...

Francine- Thanks for dropping by my blog too!