Saturday, January 2, 2010

No Kissing in Closets

So here is my No-Kiss Blogfest contribution, I must say, way more on time than my Kissing Blogfest post which was posted six minutes to midnight. Can you tell I procrastinate? But I was really good and was up last night writing and fixing and, though I'll find something wrong with it tomorrow, I'm happy with it. This is from my WIPoUP (hehe, that sounds funny, wip-o-up, I think it sounds cute, but I'm getting off track...) and my MC's are Ashlyn and Declan, ex-ex best friends, kind of.

So background, this is after the Kiss of Life(if you like this scene you can click on the link for more tension :P ), Ash and Declan have made it to a safe harbor, an underground army base right on the cusp of all the fighting, and Ashlyn wants to go out and contribute. Captain is the leader of a special OPS group that Declan has joined, because the base is sort on medics that can go out into the field. Oh and Nat, who is mentioned briefly, is a member of said group, and the simulator is a program used to train people for battle. For those of you who don't know my characters, Ash and Declan are always arguing, and I mean always. Now Ashlyn isn't a fighter, like he is, but she has been training to become a doctor. He doesn't want her to go, because there are in the middle of a hot zone and there aren't enough bullet proof vests for everyone. So yeah, that's all I have to say, except for that it's long and I apologize... so hope you enjoy.


“We’re going to need someone with medical training to come with us, and frankly the team trusts you, after that miracle you preformed on Nat, we’d be lucky to have you.” he was saying, as Ashlyn watched the older man intently absorbing everything he was saying. Declan reached out for her arm, panic bubbling up inside him, there weren’t enough vests, she didn’t have one, this was a hot zone. She couldn’t fight, she would die.

“I’ll come.” She said turning to Declan as he squeezed her arm, yanking her towards him.

“Ow! What Declan? Captain and I were talking—”

“Can I borrow her for a second?” he asked not even bothering to turn to Captain as he dragged Ashlyn away. He didn’t wait for the man to answer; instead he shoved her out of the room, and down the hall. He didn’t know where he was going all he knew was that they needed privacy. A closet was coming up to his left, without a second thought he shoved her into it, following, flicking on the light.

Declan what the hell was that? I was talking with Captain—” Declan slammed the door, cutting her off and closing them in the tiny space.

“You’re not coming.” He snapped, eyes blazing through the dim closet light.

“What are you talking about? You guys are going to need someone with medical training out there. I’ve been training for five years, I know I’m no doctor, but I’m good.” She stepped forwards, well as forwards as she could, there wasn’t four inches between them.

“You’re not coming.” His heart was racing now, she could die, and he couldn’t let her put herself in that kind of danger. That’s why he became the soldier, why he chose this life, because it would mean she never had to.

Declan, you’re not the boss of me. I can do whatever I want. What I want is to go and help. I’m not going to sit here, in the medical bay, waiting. I’m not letting you go out there with Captains team alone.” She placed her hands on her hips, raising her eyebrows at him as she waited for an answer.

“You’re not going out into that hot zone, and that’s final.” He stepped closer to her, keeping his voice at a low whisper. She looked up at him, her golden eyes glowing in the dim yellow light.

“Why not?” Ashlyn breathed, trying to remain calm, despite the fact that she seemed to be acutely tuned to his presence, as though she was almost too aware of him.

“Because I said so,” his breath was warm and sweet on her cheek, almost comforting. But that wasn’t an answer.

“Like hell I’m listening to you! I’m my own person, you are not in charge of me, asshole!” she shoved him, losing her grasp on her temper. Where did he get off? Despite the shove, he didn’t budge; his feet remained planted on the ground. He wasn’t going to let her win this battle. Declan frowned, racking his brain for a response, one that would get her to listen to him. He needed a reason, other than the fear slicing its way through his veins. It was like ice shards plunging themselves into every last one of his nerves, causing a phantom pain to shoot through his body. It was the same words echoing through his brain, words he would not speak aloud as though uttering them would place them in a realm of possibility.

“There aren’t enough vests.” He was struggling to put his thoughts to words, she was way too close, and at the same time not close enough.

“I’ll be fine.” Her nonchalant attitude raised so many alarm flags Declan couldn’t breathe; it felt as though he was going cold. Did she really think that? Did she really think that battle wasn’t that big a deal? His grey eyes widened searching her face, for an answer to her madness; did she have a death wish?

“You don’t know that,” Declan was becoming frantic, how could she not get this? It wasn’t like the simulator, if you got shot, you went down and it hurt. She could die, that wasn’t an option, not for her.

“Why do you care?” her words stung, they’d made progress in the past few months, but sometimes she didn’t get him, didn’t get how he could think that she’d forgotten the past five years. The five years he’d left her alone, she would not let him make her into a defenseless child again; never again would she give him or anyone else that power. She’d grown up, she was strong and she could handle this. She didn’t need him to be her savior anymore.

“Because…” he trailed off, there were so many things he could say, so many words balancing on the edge of his tongue. Because he needed her, because he had made a promise to her father, a promise to her mother, a promise to himself; because he loved her. Declan’s eyes zipped around her face as though his answer would appear in the corner of her smile or the glint of an unexplained emotion in her eye. His pulse rushed past his eardrums in a whoosh of panic overtaking him.

“Because what?” she stepped closer, there was almost no space between them now, nothing to separate her from him, just a few inches of air. Ashlyn gazed up into his grey eyes, her heart thundering against her ribcage. They were so close.

Declan reached out, his hand pushing her red hair behind her ear, his hand resting on the side of her face. She closed her eyes for a moment biting her lip, how was it that by just touching her all her nerves seemed to be on edge, that her skin prickled under his soft touch. He held her face, his thumb stroking her cheek, pulling her closer. Declan was surprised that Ashlyn had let him touch her, even more surprised at how natural the contact felt, how normal, as though he was supposed to hold her like this.

“Please, Ash” the nickname rolled off his tongue causing her stomach to plummet, her head told her to shrug off the nickname but her heart had full control and it made her go weak at the knees.

“Ash, I’m begging you, don’t go out there. Not with the team, not with me. Don’t go. Please,” Declan’s voice was flooded with emotion, his pulse quickening even more as he moved ever closer. There was no space between them now; his other hand was on her lower back, holding her against him, and he had no idea how it had gotten there.

He could almost feel the flutter of her heart.

Declan” she paused, staring into the grey depths of his eyes. “I have to.”

“Please Ash, please, please, don’t go. I need you okay.” His voice caught in this throat, he was on the verge of hysterics. He didn’t know what to say.

“I need you to be okay, I need you to be safe.” His grip tightened on her back now; as though he thought holding her tight would prevent her from ever leaving him, as though it would keep her safe forever.

“Why?” the question held so much weight, it meant a thousand different things, she’d asked it before. But Ashlyn asked it this time because she was looking for one answer, because she had become sick of searching for one in his mixed up signs and in his stupid guy talk.

“Because,” and Declan leaned forwards, his thumb stroking her face again as he pulled her towards him, his lips centimeters from hers. He finally knew how to answer her question, one act that would make her understand. He took a deep breath, lowering his face to hers, anticipation coursing through him, as though this would solve everything.

The door opened.

They jumped apart; Declan’s back slammed into the wall behind him as they were repelled by the incoming light. Ashlyn’s heart was racing, thundering in her chest as she stumbled into a bucket behind her, letting go of the breath she wasn’t even aware she’d been holding.


So yep that's it, uh feedback as always is appreciated and have a happy no kiss kissing day.



Ash. Elizabeth said...

i loved the building tension it panned out nice and evenly, which is hard for some people to do

Shannon Messenger said...

Very, very nice. Awesome tension. And may I say that I love the name Declan. It sounds hot. *swoons* Thanks for sharing!

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Poor Ashlyn. I really felt for her. Great scene! So glad you shared with us.
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Bethany Mattingly said...

I definitely want to read more of this! Their relationship and the environment around them sounds fascinating.

sherrinda said...

Oooo, very nice! I love the slow move ever built great tension. And the setting!!! What's not to love? An almost kiss in the closet is PERFECT! :)

V. S said...

The ending rocked!You built such tension in this scene!

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

Wow this was great! Thanks so much for sharing and thank you thank you thank you for participating in the fest and helping make this day so cool!

Amalia T. said...

Good tension-- I especially love the end, when he slams back into the wall with the force of the UST. I wonder if the tension would be even greater if we saw this from just Declan's point of view? or just Ashlyn's?

Donna Gambale said...

I love how the nickname turned her to jelly. Great job!

Diana Paz said...

Nice, I love it when a guy touches the girl's face, and I liked the way he was ready to do that "one act" to make her understand. So sweet and lots of tension :)

Melissa said...

Very nice! Loved how you built the tension throughout the scene.
And I love the name Declan:)

elizabeth mueller said...

Wow, Hayley! Great tension! I LOVE Declan's name! Very creative. I enjoyed the tension between them and as well as the urgency Declan felt to keep Ashlyn safe. I want to learn more--what was so dangerous and why Ashlyn felt it so important to go! Great going!

LOVE the almost kiss! :)

VR Barkowski said...

Brilliant job, Hayley. The escalation of tension made *ME* breathless. Declan's desperate need to keep Ash safe was palpable. And Ashlyn's confusion over Declan's mixed signals totally relatable. Great scene!

C R Ward said...

I loved the building tension between the characters. This was a wonderful scene!

Jade said...

I loved that it was set in such an enclosed space and all the tension you built up. I loved the interruption at the end. Damn, I love a good interruption!

LittoMiss isuet said...

Damn, that left me breathless.
amazing scene !

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Oh, that darned interrupted kiss...poor things. Nice sense of urgency and tension. Vivid setting. Nicely done.

Heather said...

What a great setting for an almost kiss! And I loved when they were both surprised at the end - him slamming back, her falling into the bucket.

Lisa and Laura said...

The tension was palpable! Loved it.

Karen said...

Great tension and intensity. Sometimes the unrequited passion is so much more powerful than requited. Good job!

Iapetus999 said...

Looks like they may become ex-ex-ex somethings soon...
Good job!

storyqueen said...

Can't believe you are only 16 and wrote this!


Keep up the amazing work.


Sqrt(D) said...

There are so many things that must be driving him to have this conversation with her, little unmentioned bits that hover in Declan's mind. The tension was palpable and the scene was thoroughly enjoyable.

Marissa Alwin said...

Tension conflict attraction everything needed to grab hold of a reader. And it grabbed hold, great scene!

Sara McClung ♥ said...

Oh man. Declan was my husband and my NUMBER ONE name for if we ever had a boy (but his best friend stole it, sigh) so on that note alone I enjoyed your scene!

And the length was worth the read :-) Liked the scene just as much as I would have if you HADN'T used one of my favorite names!!

Kayla said...

I knew it was a no kissing blog and I knew that the wouldn't kiss but I was so annoyed that they didn't kiss. Lol gah! So close!

Declan and Ash are perfect. I can't believe you're only 16 sometimes with the way that you write.

Hayley said...

Ash. Elizabeth- Thanks that's very nice of you to say.

Shannon- Everybody seems to adore that name, and the funny thing is my mom chose it.

Karen- Thank you, and thanks for sharing with me as well.

Bethany- Thank you, it's good to know it's intriguing.

Sherrinda- Thank you, I'm blushing :)

V.S- Thanks, good to know I got the feeling across.

Frankie- Thank you for you sweet comment, and for hosting this thing, it wouldn't have happened without you. :)

Amalia- Now that you mention it, I've been toying with the idea of a POV change, but I'm not sure yet. And thanks for commenting. :)

Donna- Thank you, I always feel that some nicknames are more important to someone based on who says them, it's good to know you liked it.

Diana- Thank you, I also like it when the guy touches the girls face, like he's focusing on her, makes it seem more intimate.

Melissa- Thank you, I'm glad the tension got across and I love the name too, I just think it's kind of sexy and Irish, very Irish.

Elizabeth- Thank you, isn't the name so nice? My mom picked it out to be honest, she just said it and I knew it was the name for me.

VR- Thank you so much, I'm flattered that it affected you that way.

C R- Thank you :)

Jade- I know you love interuptions, you are very good at them. I'm still waiting for a kiss between Archer and Lola,because that no kiss was sooooooo good, and some resolution but you and your interuptions keep getting in the way! Oh and thank you :)

Isuet- Thank you, I really enjoyed your scene as well, building it all up to reveal he was a preist at the end, was awesome!

Carolina- Thak you, I was worried about the setting, because I can picture it in my head but sometime the things there don't get across, good to know you saw it too. :)

Heather- Thank you :) I wanted them both to be surprised but haven't figured out where to go from there yet, I'm a little stuck.

L&L- Thank you very much, it warms my hear to know that you guys (who are great writers by the way) loved it. Thanks.

Karen- Thanks, and I agree about the unrequited passion, sometimes it really is better than requited, of course I doubt the characters would agree.

Lapetus- Maybe, ex-ex-ex-ex something soon, and thank you. :)

Shelly- Thank you, I'll try to keep up the amazing work, and I must say (again) I loved your excerpt it was fantastic!

Sqrt(D)- I'm glad you enjoyed it, and you were spot on there are a thousand things going through his head. Thank you :)

Marissa- I'm glad it grabbed hold, thank you so very much :)

Sara- I'm sorry your number one name was taken, but I'm glad you enjoyed my Declan and that you thought the length was worth the read, I really appreciate it. Despite the fact that I used one of your favorite names. Thanks so very much. :)

Kayla- I'm sorry they didn't kiss, maybe next time...or not... muhahaha. Okay evil laughter over. I'm glad you forget my age, it makes me feel more mature, which is so immature, but whatever. Thanks Kayla, I appreciate it :)

To EVERYONE (If you read this far)-I can't thank you all enough for stopping by and reading my post, it really means a lot to me. So just thank you, because I really made my day reading what you guys had to say.

Hayley said...

It not I.

I meant to say "IT really made my day."

Thanks again guys you rock!

giddymomof6 said...

Ooh! i LOVED this scene! You can really write girl! I know at your age, I couldn't do this if I tried! The tension is just amazing!


Hayley said...

Jenni- Thank you :)

sraasch said...

Sigh. Declan. Mmmm.

Hayley said...

Sara- *giggles* You really do love that name don't you? Well you can borrow him whenever you like, he wont mind. :P

Nishant said...

I love the name Declan. It sounds hot. *swoons* Thanks for sharing!

Work from home India

Hayley said...

Nishant- Thanks for reading :)