Monday, December 21, 2009

Kiss Of Life

Here is my kissing scene, posted just before midnight. I barely made it. But I made it. And it is way longer than some of the others but I'm sleepy and...yeah. So some background, this is from my most current WIP as visible in my sidebar. My MC's Ashlyn and Declan are crossing a river, during a rainstorm because they have to get to the other side to find shelter they are still in enemy territory after all and that is dangerous. Of course they are arguing as they always do, and things get a little out of hand. And that was an awful description.

It is a smidge long , and I guess isn't exactly a kissing scene but well she was breathing life into him and they don't exactly have any lovey dove-y kiss-y moments...yet. And hey there was lip to lip action going on. Besides its her actions that are really more important here, and I still have to get out all the kinks and make it seem like she's struggling a little more because I just wrote this...but I digress... So yep here is my contribution to the kissing blog day thingamagig. Which by the way is an awesome idea.

Edit: I looked this over, on Tuesday, and did a little tightening and adding, so I am much happier with this piece now that I am no longer half asleep.


“Okay Ash, the water is moving faster here, watch your step.” His voice was kind, but the nickname hurt, just being near him hurt. They were waist deep in the water now, and it seemed as though the current was picking up speed as the rain fell harder.

“Don’t call me that.” Ashlyn snapped, Declan didn’t say anything, he just watched the river in front of him.

“Fine. But watch the next few steps. I promised your father I’d keep you safe and after five years—”

“Shut the hell up! You don’t know anything about the past five years! You weren’t even here!” Declan was beside her now and they were only a few feet from the other side of the river.


“Go die in a hole,” Ashlyn spat, shoving Declan squarely in the chest. He stumbled back in the water, barely catching his balance. He was down river from her now, though she wouldn't look at him his eyes never left her face, focusing on her even in the rain.


“I don’t want to talk to you right now, okay, just go away!” she screamed, tears of exhaustion and pent up anger were building up behind her eyes, and she would not cry in front of him. She could not show him weakness, because then she would be right back to where she had been five years ago; a helpless, needy, little girl.

As he always did Declan obliged, stepping back, away from her. But as he did he stumbled back into the water. A sickening crack bounced off the falling raindrops, followed by the splash of waves as his body sank into the river.

“Declan?” she turned in towards the sound, her heart sinking in her chest. That hadn’t sounded good.

He didn’t answer, and she couldn’t see him.

“Declan!” her voice was panicked, the rain was pounding harder now almost fully clouding her vision. Then through the white sheets of rain she saw his body floating a few feet away from her. It was being carried away, downriver.

He wasn't even fighting the current.
And then she knew.

Without a seconds hesitation she threw herself into the water after him, swimming with the current. She clasped her hand around his arm, holding tight to his slick cold skin, trying to yank him out of the water with her, but it was too deep and she couldn't find any footing. Waves crashed against her pushing her down into the water, until she was completely submerged. The current carried them further and further downstream. It seemed as though the currents strength increased with every wave it threw at her, pulling her under with his dead weight. The cold water started to push itself into her mouth and nose, trying to suffocate her, trying to get her to let go of him. But she wouldn't, she couldn't let go of him.

Ashlyn broke through the top of the water, struggling to hold onto Declan and to keep herself afloat, the freezing water seeped through her clothing as though it was going to sink into her bones. A wave threw her into a rock, hitting her squarely in between her shoulder blades, knocking the wind out of her. Again Ashlyn struggled to catch her breath before she was smothered by the oncoming water, only to reemerge and be thrown into another rock. She could feel herself getting a little numb; an ache had begun to spread its painful tendrils across her back, and down her arm, tempting her to let him go. To let go of him and wrap her arms around herself, a siren call that promised to make the pain stop.

Every breath was more precious and took twice as much energy to attain than the last. She opened her eyes and the water splashed into them causing her to hiss in pain, but then she saw it, a branch was hanging out over the side of the river. Its misshapen claws extended over the river, as though reaching out to help her. Ashlyn reached out, it was a long shot, but somehow she managed to grab hold of the branch. Her raw fingertips brushing the rough bark, just enough for her to gain a feeble hold, just enough for her to hold on.

Declan’s body was pulling her under again, but she couldn't let go, she couldn't let him go. With a strength she didn't know she had Ashlyn pushed Declan’s body over towards land, gasping for air as her teeth began to chatter involuntarily from the stabbing cold. She put every last ounce of her energy into shoving him onto the muddy riverbank, to getting him to safety. Then with the little strength she had left, she lifted herself up next to him.

“Declan?” she shook him even though her hands were trembling from the cold. His lips were turning blue, there was a nasty gash on his head and he wasn't breathing. Ashlyn’s golden eyes widened, her heart pounding in her ears. Repeating one thing over and over he isn’t breathing.

He couldn't die, she wouldn't let him die.

“Declan!” she screamed, hitting his chest hard with her fist; as though hoping this would get him to start breathing, as though this act of violence would jar him into consciousness. For a moment she just looked at him, unable to catch her own breath, unable to think. Then her medical training took over.

Ashlyn straddled herself over him, placing one knee onto either side of his waist, not ideal for CPR, but she needed to try and warm him up too. He would need good circulation, and for that he needed whatever warmth she could give him. Without a second thought she took a deep breath and lowered her blue lips to his, exhaling her breath into him. Declan’s lips were still warm as though they hadn’t been in the water at all, and to her surprise they were softer than she imagined they’d be.

Ashlyn pulled away gasping for oxygen as she started compressions. Each breath took more energy than the last. The cold bit into her violently, stripping her of warmth, making her more lethargic. The exhaustion from before was beginning to take hold again.

“Declan, you asshole, you cannot die! Do you hear me damn it, you cannot die! I need you! Okay? I fucking need you! You cannot die!” she cried and the tears she had been holding back, the tears of anger, resentment, and fear, began to pour over onto her already wet cheeks.

Ashlyn took another deep breath with the last of her energy, she leaned forwards, pressing her cold blue lips to his, exhaling one last time into his mouth, trying so hard, willing him to live.

“I need you, okay” she cried, her mouth still pressed to his “I need you, please. Please don't leave me again, please.” She pulled away compressing his chest again, sitting across his lower abdomen, tears choking the breath out of her. Her will to go on, suffocating as she failed to bring him back.

Declan’s grey eyes flew open, as he gasped for air. Ashlyn barely had time to roll off of him, as he turned to his side, hacking up river water, struggling to breathe.


As always feedback is appreciated.


sherrinda said...

Oooooo-la-la, that was GREAT! I totally got her need of him. It pulled me in and I want to know more!!!! Thanks so much for joining in the fun today! Awesomeness!

Jade said...

That was awesome. I loved that she brought him back to life.

I really felt her fear and her pain! Keep it up.

The Blogger Girlz said...

Wow, that rocked! Awesome job! I need MORE! :D <3


sraasch said...

Yay, Declan! Man I still love that name...

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Wow, that scene was filled with tension and great sensual detail. Great job!

Jeannie Campbell, LMFT said...

this was an excellent excerpt...very powerful...her need. well done! you can read mine here.

The Character Therapist

Hayley said...

Sherrinda-Thanks for having me! I had a great time.
Jade- Thank you *blushes* I loved your scene too, Archer, well he broke my heart.
Ella-Thanks, I will be posting more eventually. No worries.
Sara-I know it is one of my favorite names too, I love him, and feel free to use it Sara, there is enough of that name to go around.
Tricia-Thank you :)
Jeannie-Thanks, and I loved your excerpt Charlotte, she seems to know exactly what she wants, strong.

giddymomof6 said...

Very tension-filled and perfectly paced. I LOVED it! Totally Rocked!

Jenni James

Jill Wheeler said...

So exciting! And great characterization. I can totally see your MC's internal struggle.

Hayley said...

Jenni-Thank you :)
Jill-Thanks, sometimes I worry I don't get her internal feelings across, because I know what they are, but readers don't have the advantage of having her in my head, so thank you. :)

Jessica (BookLover) said...

Whoa! That was great. :D

Hayley said...

Jessica-Thank you :)

Bethany Mattingly said...

Hey I just got around to your kissing post! I'm glad I finally made it here because reading your excerpt was very fun and thrilling. I totally get how much she needed him. I didn't want it to end.

Hayley said...

Bethany-Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. ^__^

The Writing Ninja said...

Aw! Noes! I want to read more! I told you I'd love Declan and I did. You're such a great writer. Can't wait until you post more =D

Hayley said...

You should chack out my no kiss post up above, you'd love it Kayla!