Thursday, October 29, 2009

Thirds Day

Hayley has decided today she is going to talk about herself in the third person. Third person Thursdays, this is going to be a regular occurrence, you have been forewarned. Here's the thing Hayley gets bored easily in class, very easily, a fly on the wall or even the cute guy who sits next to her in chemistry class can distract her mind in a second...thankfully other people can't read minds or they'd think Hayley's ADD means she's certifiable. Oh wait that's because she is. So Hayley was bored in chemistry, and though she should have been writing the essay that was due seventh period she was day dreaming and doodling in her notebook, not taking notes and so not thinking about the cute guy who sits next to her. Of course. And then she began to write...bum bum bum!

But this writing wasn't supposed to be written at least not in chemistry in October, see Hayley has a confession, she'd decided to work primarily on one WIP for NaNo and then play around with two others. However, here comes another confession, she had to write it. Actually, technical she had already written the scene, she found it under her bed a few days ago. It was one of those gifts that her subconscious writer left her months ago, scribbled in one of the million notebooks floating around her room. In this case under her bed. A small notebook her father had given her, one that once her kittens had arrived it ended up under her bed. So Hayley stumbled across it while she was grabbing McAllister out from under her bed, the little boy was crying and crying because he was between the bed and the wall. And then low and behold beneath the paws of her little back and white kitten Hayley found a notebook. Not surprising because there is a 'Hayley' notebook in at least every room of the house, save for the bathrooms cause there is no space. At first glance it was just another notebook, a blank first page, this is because Hayley never writes on the first page of a notebook (yes she knows that's her CDO showing), so of course the notebook looked empty.

The next night Hayley was hyped up on a little bit of caffeine and well she couldn't sleep so she opened her notebook, with the intention of writing illegibly until she dozed off, and found the gift. You know those little scrawled notes writers leave themselves all over the place a line here, a ripped, water stained napkin there. And Hayley loved it. The scene not only was on her mind the entire next day, yes on her mind enough to stop her from focusing on any and all chemistry and french distractions, but it stayed with her. She did plan on waiting until NaNo to rewrite it, but the idea wouldn't shut up and Hayley doesn't know how to tell her writing no. So she wrote it. She figured she wasn't going to participate in NaNo officially anyways and well she needed to write this. Yes, needed to so desperately she was worried not writing it would suffocate her in her sleep. So she wrote it. As of now Hayley is drawing a blank for the title, and has only just today come up with a name for the evil minions in her story, yes they are being called Nemotractus, because that is an awesome name.

So here is an excerpt, long like this post and all her other posts, which Hayley sincerely apologizes for. From now on Hayley has decided she will try to keep them short and sweet. But Hayley also has a tendency to talk, and talk a lot, like she doesn't know when to stop, just ask Sara she knows better than anyone how much and how long Hayley can talk. And now for the long excerpt as promised:

The light from the burning town a mile away pressed through the wooden panels that covered the windows. Ashlyn tugged on the bottom of her tank top, running a hand through her cropped hair, and biting her lip as she paced back and forth in the tiny miserable space.

“I can’t believe this!” She shouted kicking a wooden panel angrily.

Declan didn’t say anything, he kept his mind focused. They were almost surrounded, with two ways to escape. They could go into the city and try to get out through the long abandoned subway tunnels, or try, and most likely fail, to sneak through the Nemo’s base camp; anything to just get out of the hot zone.

“I stayed behind for a reason.” She mumbled as she began to abuse the wood again. The thuds echoed around him as she kicked the wood again and again, it groaned beneath her unceasing attack.

“And what was that to get yourself killed?” Declan scoffed, holding the binoculars up to his eyes and gazing out at the camps that lay on the outskirts of their old home. Of course he knew they wouldn’t have killed her, they didn’t kill women, they took them prisoners. It was worse than dying. He shook his head trying to focus, trying to gain control, that wouldn’t happen to her, he wouldn’t let it. The patrol was circling the camp spreading out further as they circled around and around their campsite. Expanding their perimeter, increasing their control covering all the bases, they didn’t want anyone to escape.

“No, you moron, I don’t see why you care anyways why are you here? Why aren’t you back living it up in the army, you left without looking back five years ago what makes you think anyone from then wants to see you now? You should have stayed with the army you should have never come back. No one wants you here.”

“Ashlyn be quite they might hear you” Declan said glancing back over at her for the first time since they’d gotten to the safe house, the first time all night. Her hair was shorter now than it had been when he’d left; she had changed in every way possible, but even if she’d been horribly disfigured he could have recognized her a mile away.

“And I care because?”

“Just shut up Ashlyn. It will save us a lot of running, they have super senses, how can you not get this. If they get any closer and you keep yelling they will hear you.” Ashlyn brushed this off continuing on her tirade.

“Declan what are you doing here? No one wanted you here, I don’t see why you even had to come back—”

“Ashlyn!” Declans’ voice was stern echoing smoothly across the darkened room, his grey eyes sparking with anger.

“What!?” she spat as she spun towards him her red hair falling haphazardly across her face.

“If you don’t shut up” he pulled his gun from its holster “I’ll have to shoot you.” he aimed it at her. Ashlyn looked from his gun to him and stepped forwards her golden eyes never leaving Declans face. He starred back, gaze unwavering, hand steady, as she moved closer until the barrel of the gun was against her bare skin, next to the material of her tank top, right above her heart.

“Do it.” She breathed “You killed me once, go on do it again.” Declan didn’t move his eyes never leaving her face; holding the pistol ever steady.

“Pull the trigger.” She whispered.

“Ash” he exhaled, she stared back at him, her expression blank, her eyes angry and hateful.

“Go on Declan, do it, pull the trigger.”

So yeah, some editing is needed, okay a lot of editing, Hayley knows this, she is very aware of her editing problems. That and she apologizes for it being kind of hard to read because well she couldn't figure out how to get it to double space. She is still trying to get the gist of blogging. Internet+Hayley= trouble and system failures. Criticism is welcome, as always, but be honest and gentle Hayley is a fragile soul...


Mariah Irvin said...

Isn't it lovely to find surprise ideas? This happens to me on occasion and I love it!

How far along have you gotten in this? I only noticed a few spelling and punctuation mistakes, but it sounds like it has potential :)

If you need help editing, don't be afraid to ask!

Hayley said...

Thanks, I actually came up with these characters years ago and one day during bio last year while I was actually paying attention Declan started talking to me again. I'm not far, I've written what you've seen and a couple other scenes and bits scrolled all around my notebook at school so it's all still in the works and title-less. And I will eventually ask for help editing after one of my friends goes through it. She reads so fast it hurts my brain to think about it, and likes her red pen. So it's only a matter of time. Thank you :)

sraasch said...

Hehe, thirds thursday -- I like :)

Hayley said...

Sara-I was wondering if you'd get the joke :)god to know you like it. I figured I needed to make a post every now and again, at least once a week.

K. M. Walton said...

K.M. likes this post. K.M. likes this post a lot. :)

Hayley said...

K.M.-Thank you reading that just brightened my Halloween :)